Signs you have carpenter #ants

* keep finding tiny tools
* city sends a very tiny permit to affix to baseboard
* when you try to move a book you are told to “keep this entrance clear, ma’am” because of the “cement delivery coming later”
* Your dish rack is dismantled “because it’ll be cheaper to rebuild from scratch”
* no room on the dresser due to like 85 tiny pickups illegally parked there
* husband keeps hearing high pitched wolf whistles when exiting shower

@futurebird shared with my carpenter friends and my carpenter husband! 😁 Thanks!
@futurebird EIGHTY FIVE TINY PICKUPS
@futurebird strong smell of urine by the bonsai trees?

@futurebird

At least they're not John Carpenter ants.

@futurebird

muddy bootprints everywhere

@futurebird The carpenter bees are worse. They just leave their tools everywhere.
@futurebird
*You are relieved to discover you don’t have tinnitus after all.
@futurebird Thousands of tiny "2 weeks" answers to when to expect completion of construction.

@futurebird
I was thinking, "why wolf whistles at the HUSBAND?" and then I realized why.....

<slow clap>

@lostboyjim I'm so glad someone put it together. Though I would not totally rule out lesbian carpenter ants either.
@futurebird @lostboyjim I can't figure this out. So embarrassing! Is it an ant/aunt joke?

@onespecificjosh @lostboyjim

If you think about a bunch of workers doing wolf whistles it's probably more typical to imaging a group of guys whistling at a woman.

But all worker ants are females.

So, LOGICALLY it would be a group of female carpenters whistling at a dude.

OBVIOUSLY* lol

I've made a drawing to explain.

*it's totally not obvious

@futurebird @onespecificjosh @lostboyjim
(worker ants are kinda ace tho aren't they?)

(Just saying)

@lostboyjim @futurebird I really appreciated that detail.
@lostboyjim @futurebird Yeah, I had a "wait, what? Ohhhhh" moment
@futurebird *lots of tiny discarded coffees laying around*
@futurebird OMg, this is hilarious. Please send something to Worlds of Possibilty!

@futurebird That was both funny and magical.

I'll be spending the rest of the evening imagining ants in various anthropomorphic situations now.

As brain worms go, not a bad one.

@futurebird
@irina

*chuckle*

I'll be on the lookout, then.

@futurebird

* they keep referring to themselves as Karen and Richard

@futurebird Thank you. I super needed that giggle this morning.
@futurebird I love the nod to worker ants being female. Nicely done!
@futurebird
Seriously, you can eliminate carpenter ants with baking soda.
@futurebird They keep singing "Rainy Days and Mondays."
@futurebird Ants keep squatting and displaying tiny buttcracks
@futurebird I just finished reading Clifford Simak's 1952 science-fiction book City. Near the end, intelligent ants take over the world, building a single building that covers the whole planet. And I was chuckling, thinking of this post of yours.
@futurebird
You forgot "tiny radio blaring not-so-current music" 😂

@futurebird

* You hear the faint sound of "Rainy Days and Mondays" drifting up from the baseboards... 🥁 🎤

@futurebird
* You keep hearing questions "is this not the carpenter?" or "is this not the son of the carpenter?" depending on whether it's the gospel of Mark or Matthew

@futurebird
* Birds suddenly appear every time you are near.

Wrong Carpenters?

@PTR_K @futurebird You really don’t want carpenter ants close to you.

@futurebird

🤣🤣🤣... "85 tiny pickups" 🤣🤣🤣

Don't forget the dogs in the back of the pickups 🤣

@futurebird Moties. You have Moties.

#ants

@Kencf618033

Like from the Larry Niven book??

@futurebird Yep! Niven & Pournelle.