#DearJWHIA,

I have a relative who is #Christian (long story). For the last few years, I've bought #Chanukkah #greeting #cards for my family and gone out of my way to get this relative a #card that is more appropriate for *her* #chag.

Last year, she complained that I got a card for the wrong #holiday, explaining that it was not yet Yom #Easter, but Yom #Christmas! Who can keep track with the weird solar #calendar they follow??

1/x

This year, I made sure to get her a Christmas card. She then pointed out that it had the wrong kind of tree (a maple tree is a tree, so I don't get what the big deal is) and the wrong kind of star! The Magen David is what my kids' #PublicSchool teachers always put on their work when they do well, so shouldn't she just accept this is the right way to draw a #star?

How can I get my relative to see that she is unreasonable in her expectations and is just being ungrateful?

#AITA #advice

2/x

Dear #ChristianAlly,

It is difficult to go so far out of your way for your #Christian relative, only to have your efforts thrown back in your face like this.

Your Christian relative is clearly not grateful for your good-faith efforts. It's probably best to stop attempting to acknowledge her #holidays, since she seems to take offense at perceived errors rather than feeling glad that you took the time to acknowledge the holiday in the first place.

3/x

Sadly, there's no real way for you to explain to your relative that sheโ€™s being #unreasonable. You can't control other people's feelings and behaviors, but you can draw a #boundary for yourself and decline to make further attempts to acknowledge the #holiday since your relative is determined to find fault.

4/x

The easiest solution seems to be to show your #love and #respect for your #relative by sending her #greetings when you send them to the rest of the #family, at secular holidays like #RoshHashanah.

#NTA #MedinatAmerica

5/5

@jewwhohasitall Oh, no! OP, this must be so distressing for you. Speaking from a pagan perspective it does occur to me that your relative may be someone for whom faith is essentially private, whether because she is part of an initiatory tradition, or simply has beliefs others consider outside the mainstream. She may be worried that you will ask for an introduction to her High Priestess and then be rejected as not a good fit for her congregation, causing embarrassment.
@jewwhohasitall Alternatively, possibly she is #godspoused and fears ridicule from people making insensitive remarks about being married on the Astral Plane. The best thing to do might be to take her out for a coffee and chat about old times and interests you have in common, assuring her that you have no interest whatever in ever meeting the people she worships with or hearing the details of her relationship with the Triple God. She will find this reassuring.
@jewwhohasitall Sage advice. Especially the need for healthy boundaries.
@jewwhohasitall Send the relative a nice assortmemt of people in chains next time. She'll then feel as if you really understand her faith.