Kevin
beetlejuice's ghoulish wifeTHE MAYOR: bro... please... bro you gotta go back to the office. im begging you. the corporate landlords that bribe me are so pissed off dude. you gotta spend two hours a day in transit and use bad toilet paper so they make a ton of money bro. please come back to the office dude. theres ping pong, we didn't install ANY air filters, no masks, it's gonna be exactly like it used to be, PLEASE come back to the office bro
YOUR MANAGER: dude i need you back in the office bro. how can i manage you sending emails from your laptop at home, i need you to bring that laptop in to the office and send emails there. i don't know what the fuck you do, i can only ascertain if youre wearing jeans or are a woman, that's management dude. keep your tuesday afternoons open, that's the only time im in the office so ill manage you then. the rest of the time im selling pampered chef shit in my living room
Metamedia
Simon Crowe
BagheeraAltered 
ouinne
Plinth Edifice@mark THE MAYOR: Bro you have got to stop spending money in your neighborhoods, supporting small businesses and locally-owned restaurants. Do you even know what's going to happen to SweetGreen if you don't get back to the office? What about Dig Inn? Did you even think about them, bro??
@mark The obvious solution is to continue renting empty offices. I don't need to go back in.
Unprecedented 2023
a wandering happenstance@mark THE MAYOR: Thank god you got everyone back into the office, Elon, the corporate landlords were going to kill me, at least they’ll be satisfied now
ELON: cool story, bro
ELON [stops paying rent, stops paying custodial staff, stops paying utilities]
THE MAYOR: not like that
Kevin Collas-Arundell@mark Totally reading this in alan fishers one more lane voice. https://www.youtube.com/shorts/0dKrUE_O0VE
