AutisticTeacherGriff

So a question for my #autistic pals here:

I have... multiple advanced degrees, in a discipline that's supposed to make people make sense to me. I know, intellectually, all the "stuff" that people "should" do in social interaction. I could write books on it. But I cannot - CANNOT - do it in real time. I always lag behind anywhere from 3 seconds to 3 years.

Please tell me I'm not the only one who has this problem, where head-knowledge won't translate into real-time action.

#ActuallyAutistic

Dec 27, 2022 at 11:28pmWeb
Show threadHenk LangeveldDec 27, 2022

@TeacherGriff

> this problem, where head-knowledge won't translate into real-time action.

I've often despaired because of this effect. I know, but I can't act like I know.

Most of my life I hated to depend on my auto-pilot, which is how other people feel to me like they act. And most of the time they act appropriately.

When I tried that, it often went awry.

Show threadJenni Said ThatDec 27, 2022
@TeacherGriff you are not. I can people in "professional mode" because my scripts are bone-deep, but for social situations in general I prefer online because I get reaction time.
Show threadAutisticTeacherGriffDec 27, 2022
@odanu Maybe that's why I like Zoom interaction so much. It forces everyone to interact more autistically.
Show threadEllieDec 27, 2022
@TeacherGriff hi there! Glad to know there's more people like me!
I can check social communication campaigns and KNOW how those will work or not, but put me there and I'll quietly go back to my corner after infodumping why people will get uncomfortable or really exited by said campaign... and, the delay in recognizing what just happened is totally there too
Show threadOT ExpertDec 28, 2022
@TeacherGriff not the only one, although I'm ADHD
Show threadcinja ♾️Dec 28, 2022
@TeacherGriff Let me answer with a scenario that happened recently/personal anecdote:
Me: <talking to friend>
Friend:<talking back>
Me: <talking more>
Me: <talking more>
Friend: <turns to next friend and starts talking>
Me: <still talking, trying to bring the topic back>
Me: <pauses>
Me: <turns to loving partner> "I went way beyond where they stopped caring, didn't I?
My Partner: "Yup"
Show threadCavitationDec 28, 2022
@TeacherGriff
Yes, I think that is common. As another autistic high-achiever, my theory is that with #austistic people, their language skills are poor in the non-language area, but often fine in the language area. Animals communicate with each other, but only humans do so using spoken and especially written language. But the major part of social interaction is non-verbal - such as body posture, intonation, facial expression, emotion etc, which autistic people are poor(er) at.
So autistic people manage best in purely written language situations, okay at purely spoken, and poorly when actually having to directly interact with other people.
Autistic people can improve these outcomes, by playing to their strengths and minimising their weaknesses - and the technology around today helps with this - using emails instead of phone call, using phone calls instead of face-to-face, and using formal social settings in place of free-form settings, for instance.
Show threadAutisticTeacherGriffDec 28, 2022

@cavitation

Oh, I know all that stuff. But I can't *do* that stuff, and no amount of trying to "improve" my ability to do nonverbal nonsense has ever worked, and sometimes people get mad when I suggest the workarounds instead of face-to-face interaction. I can't win. :/

Show threadCavitationDec 29, 2022
@TeacherGriff
Do you explain you have Asperger's?
Increasingly, I do. And because there is so much general knowledge in the population about this (every second tv show has an #autistic character for instance), this often helps a lot.
I know other people are reluctant to tell others they are autistic, which puzzles me. It's often assumed by other people (or they just label you as "odd"). Autistic people often think they are passing as typical people, but with our crap nonverbal skills, we usually aren't.
After all, blind or deaf people explain or indicate their disabilities, when it's useful to do so. We should too.
Show threadAutisticTeacherGriffDec 29, 2022

@cavitation

Oh, I do tell people I'm autistic (not Aspergers - that word is associated with N*zis, and I avoid it).

But I think this is really more about my own frustration that I keep lagging behind. I dislike how it makes me feel when I'm always the last one to get the point.

Show threadAutisticTeacherGriffDec 29, 2022
@cavitation I don’t use the word “Asperger’s” any more, but yes, I do explain that. I think this is more my own frustration about always feeling a step behind.
Show thread Darren Dec 28, 2022
@TeacherGriff not the only one. Though I think we have time to think & process, others just talk without thinking.
It's that expectation of being quick to reply that unravels me
Show threadOkeley Dokely :audhd:Dec 28, 2022
@TeacherGriff
Always...always on a delay.
Show threadklondikeDec 28, 2022
@TeacherGriff yep not just you, I'm fine if I have my dog with me, but I can go mute at the slightest thing without him, happened last week whilst shopping, was just trying to wish a cashier a happy xmass but ppl were pushing behind me and complaining,, but this cashier knows me so I think she was cool about it and gave me big smile although masked I could see her smiling eyes and cheeks lift up,,
Show threademichanDec 28, 2022
@TeacherGriff
No, you are absolutely not the only one. I can see and observe patterns. I can even predict patterns in human behaviour. Does this help me people? Am I quick witted and have snappy comebacks? Negative ghost rider.