Philip

I'm from #SouthAfrica. I don't understand much about the US. For example, what is all the fuss you people make about pronouns? I seriously don't get it. You can use any pronoun you want to refer to me. I don't care. Third-person pronouns are used (in English anyway) when the person isn't present - it's incredibly rude to use those pronouns if the person is there in the room with you. So, why does it bother people which ones are used if they're not there?

Or am I missing something?

#pronouns

Dec 20, 2022 at 7:24pmWeb
Show threadAnneDec 21, 2022

@Philip It has to do with the pronouns people wish to have used for them.
Gendered pronouns specifically reference someone's gender.
My pronouns are she/her

Non-gendered or nonbinary pronouns are not gender specific and are most often used by people who identify outside of a gender binary. The most common set of nonbinary pronouns is they/them/their

Show threadPhilipDec 21, 2022

@annecavicchi
Thank you for your kind reply. Appreciated.

My q? is about *using* pronouns, not which ones.

E.g., when you & I talk in person, we would *never* refer to each other using a third-person pronoun. We'd say, "...*you* said this..." etc., i.e., second person.

Third-person pronouns are used only when the person isn't there, e.g., "...and then *she* said this to me..."

So, why the fuss around specifying which pronouns should be used when they'll never be heard by that person?

Show threadAnneDec 21, 2022
@Philip I wouldn't use the wrong pronoun for a person whether they were there to hear it or not out of respect for them. It does matter.
Show threadPhilipDec 21, 2022

@annecavicchi
Thank you. I understand the problem a bit better.

I hope you (Americans) are able to find harmony on this issue.

Over and out.

Show threadAnneDec 21, 2022
@Philip I'm from Canada, but we are also congnisant of using a persons preferred pronouns here. It's a work in progress for sure.
Show threadLee Dec 21, 2022
@Philip It's not that complicated. It's about respect. If you respect someone, if you respect their personhood, you use their preferred pronouns regardless of their presence. You say you don't care which pronouns people use about you - that's great, for you. But for some people it would matter. That should be enough reason.
Show threadPhilipDec 22, 2022
@leb Thank you.
Show threadPhilipDec 22, 2022

@leb

I had a think.

So, it seems that there are some people who insist on being spoken about in a certain way in their absence. Isn't that a form of illness?

Corollary: My respect for people originates and comes to fruition from within _me_. It can be expected but not requested.

For example, I talk about the late queen in exactly the same way as I talk about Fred down the road. I show my respect for both of them equally as people because of who I am, not who they are.

Have a great day!

Show threadLee Dec 22, 2022
@Philip Perhaps the illness is insisting that you're the final authority on other people. That their lived experience is less valuable than yours, less reliable than yours, less worthy than yours. You say that respect is inherent to you, but clearly it's not or using people's preferred pronouns wouldn't be an issue.
Show threadPhilipDec 22, 2022

@leb

Thank you. I'm going to have another think. At first blush, though, I'm pretty sure I have been misunderstood. If I have expressed myself poorly, I will be the first to apologise. Gimme some time to take in what was said.