BEHOLD
I have survived another year despite the machinations of my haters, which can mean only one thing:
It's time to BATTLE SOME JAMS
Welcome to the Third Annual
"24 Days Until December 25th"
Ranking of the Entrants in the Bonne Maman Non-denominational Calendar of Jams!
Have my aforementioned haters infiltrated the Bonne Maman kitchen, ensuring that we all endure novel jam flavor combinations that ought never to have existed?
Or have the good people at BM finally headed the free advice from the last two years of #jamvent and filled out calendars solely with delights?
Join me in eating some sugar every morning to find out!
As we open the box, a surprise envelope! It better finally be my invitation to hold the Bonne Maman Endowed Chair in Posting About Jam
No! It's some herbal tea they're now selling. Unfortunately for them I am a long term tea purist and herbal tea is not tea. Cancel me if you dare
Onto the MAIN EVENT
#jamvent #tea #HerbalTeaSucks #CorrectOpinions (actually this whole thread and every post I make should have that hashtag)
December 1: Rhubarb-Strawberry Spread
An audible sigh of relief as I reveal a decent flavor to start us off.
For a moment I fantasize every one of the next 24 days will be equally dignified, that each morning it will feel as though my butler has discreetly stepped just out of sight as I break my fast
BUT cold reality breaks through my dream. It's too sweet! I can SEE the rhubarb threads, it has top billing, but there's almost no tartness. LET HER LIVE HER TRUTH
December 2: Orange-Yuzu-Grapefruit Spread
Longtime #jamvent
enthusiasts will recollect that the Yuzu-containing jams are always some of my favorites.
To take this beautiful fruit and pair it with grapefruit, inedibly bitter and for some people basically literally poison, is a depraved act.
I mean it tastes ok, the yuzu shines initially, but the grapefruit just hangs there ruining everything, like a fart in a limousine
I have often wondered if representatives from Bonne Maman were aware of my annual #jamvent festivities
I can now report with this flavor that they must be!!
how else could they devise such a fiendish, depraved combination of flavors designed specifically to hurt me and everyone I have misguidedly encouraged to go in this journey with me
Anyway see you tomorrow where they BETTER make this right
shrewshrew
Scott Barolo
CinCin
Craig Kaplan