Advice welcomed: I have Complex PTSD. I am neurodivergent. I have done an intense meditation retreat, 18 months of NHS therapy which included DBT. My hormones feck me up. Panic and anxiety feel like a default setting. Years ago I didn't even know what I felt was anxiety until someone explained it to me. I just thought that was 'me', turns out, not so much. I've come along the way. I've always been against medicating myself, I strongly believe a person can't deal with your trauma that way). FYI I didn't used to take pain killers because I thought if I hurt I should work out why. But I am sarting to think maybe something is worth taking, maybe I don't need to feel pain all the time. Maybe I do need to take the proverbial painkiller. I don't self medicate any more not for well over a year. Do I need something? It's driving me up the wall  Do beta blockers help? What else can I do? I am getting so fed up of 'healing' from trauma. I have been doing it for 12+ years and I'm exhausted by it. I've come along way but I feel like I'm running out of ideas. I wanna disappear. That's not an option.

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