Mikayla HI have one regret in life: staying in the closet for 18 years. My teens and twenties were a shadow of what they could have been. Give others the passive and active support and acceptance I didn't have.
It's easy to blame myself for not being strong enough, and I do. It's not fair, but there isn't any other individual I can hold responsible.
Hiding and suppressing your feelings for years strongly internalizes a lot of inhibitions. I may look like I'm doing okay, but I still can't talk about things like this unless I'm in a safe space or pretty damn drunk.
Anaïs Betts@mhutch I'm spending a lot of time unlearning things too, and unlearning the dysphoria / body hatred that I've just taken as "default" for so long
@mhutch I wasn't even the closet, I had the kind of dysphoria that doesn't tell you why, you're just miserable, and it's like a fucking Lost episode where in the end you're like "EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE NOW"
@anaisbetts ugghh I'm sorry.
@anaisbetts I don't think any dysphoria is straightforward. For years I was "well i'm definitely trans-ish but the picture I see from the media doesn't quite fit so I just gotta deal"
@anaisbetts I'm darn close to textbook and I still struggled with identifying with the media version 😐
@anaisbetts also the whole coming in waves thing? Like I realized it was an issue but thought I could deal, repressed, it came back worse, rinse and repeat half a dozen times.
@mhutch same, it got to the point where I started avoiding mirrors because they'd upset me, the last 5+ years I actively avoided photos of myself
@anaisbetts hah yeah being able to use mirrors and photos is so affirming and yet so bittersweet
@mhutch in a year or two my Instagram feed is gonna be all gratuitous selfies and I will regret NONE of it