Climate MigrantΝο οne gets how hard it is to live with a reactive dog.
No one gets how exhausting it is to live in constant fear during dog walks.
No one gets how lonely it is to be the sole guardian of such a dog, how one's social life must be sacrificed and how it burns them out.
No one knows the depths of despair such dogs' guardians feel at times.
No one knows how painful it is to hear others easily talk about euthanasia.
Marriages and relationships get destroyed and end due to such dogs.
Friendships fade out or don't even begin.
The lack of understanding, compassion and support is detrimental to the pet guardians' mental health.
I have been living in isolation for 8 years for the sake of my 11 years old reactive dog, (for whom I have invested 2,5k euros in 3-4 dog behaviorists and trainers) which led me to live with anxiety in non manageable levels, lose friends, not being able to make new and having to struggle with depression and suicidal thoughts.
In 2020, I did psychotherapy for some time to work on my anxiety related to this guardianship, and then I started meditating. My tiny house on wheels was designed based on my dog's issues. There, I could let him in a 5*5 yurt room with access to the outdoors, so I could go away for 24 hours and a friend was giving him his food from a distance.
The isolation due to the pandemic didn't help ...the money I invested in the last trainer who was the best, got wasted because I couldn't exercise what we learned together with people around due to curfews and restrictions for social distancing.
Not to mention the poisons thrown all over Greece in villages and the stray dogs all over Greece.
Isolation was the only way to live "in peace".
Yesterday, I told my therapist that I feel like a mother of an aggressive autistic kid.
He told me that there are letters of parents of such kids in which they tell to the ones who romanticize such parenthood by calling these kids charismatic and gifted that all this is nonsense, they have no idea how it is to be a parent of an aggressive autistic kid and how often they pray and hope their kids would die for both of them to be liberated.
Since some time after my other dog died, I pray for my reactive dog to die too. When they were together, at least they had each other. When they were together, at least I was enjoying half dog walks. When they were together, at least I was going to cafes with the "normal" one, my friendly gentle giant. My dog now is bored. He would never accept another dog so he has no dog playmate. He lost his interest in toys too (it's been 1,5 years since my other dog died).
Since Misoy died, I am spending so much time with Caramelo, because I feel guilty for leaving him home alone for too long, that I have lost contact with reality.
I am losing my mind in isolation.
And my dog is not only reactive, he is also living with CKD which means that he is on a special (plant based) diet which demands supplements too and daily cooking.
My reactive dog attacked 5 times my partner until he accepted him. I put him on antidepressants as a vet behaviorist recommended at some point, and the attacks stopped. But they gave him serious gastrointestinal side effects. So I had to stop giving them. Then we tried homeopathic remedies. No luck.
The Solution came through Bach flowers. I am so thankful for them.
With them, he got to accept my partner and I managed to start traveling again! After 8 years of only having traveled once without my dogs...I got to travel again solo.
And now, we are moving to a house which is "in civilisation" and I am so scared of the dog walks again. He weights 30kg. He is on the muzzle but this is not enough for me, I get so anxious each time he reacts when he sees other dogs.
But we can't move yet, because the association of the building has to decide if they allow us to build a fence and of how much tall this can be. They won't allow us 1,8m as we wanted, so now we are just praying for 1,5m... Unbelievable that in Sweden you buy a house and you don't have the right to build a fence on your own garden.
And you know what? From the 10 people that he has attacked, years ago, most of them did something that I had told them not to do. So it's humans that are untrustworthy, not my dog. Humans never listen. Humans always say that I exaggerate. Especially vets, because he behaves so well in vet clinics. People think I am crazy while I am just responsible and preventive. Only I know how my cute doggie can become a monster in just seconds.
Yesterday a Greek friend called me to ask me how long did it take for the Bach flowers to work. Her dog is reactive too and attacks her when she sees other dogs and gets stressed. Her dog is on Bach flowers only since 10 days ago. I told her to be patient. I told her to try different ingredients if the first one isn't helping ( it's what we did). She is desperate after 3 years or so...and her dog is OK with humans, she is even OK if she meets dogs in a controlled way. So this case is a piece of cake in comparison to my case. I realized last night by talking to her that I deserve a reward. An Oscar maybe.
Bottom line:
Support dog guardians of reactive dogs.
You don't have to understand, you just have to respect.
Hold space for their feelings.
Help them, don't abandon them.
And admire them for not giving up on their dog like most do. This is pure love, sacrificing oneself for the sake of the dog.
Please do not give me advices. I have tried everything and he is too old by now. Just share to raise awareness if this post touched you.
Laura Anne Gilman
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