Jalan is a devotee of Heated Rivalry. She's been wanting me to watch it so we can talk about it, but TV has been hard for me to handle lately (health stuff).

So I told her I'd watched an episode this evening, and that "I enjoyed , but the sex scene after that was really long, and sex scenes are boring."

Apparently this was not the expected reaction.

#AceProblems #Ace #Asexual #HeatedRivalry

I've always really struggled with compliments, it wasn't a thing growing up so I've had to try to learn as an adult - that taking up space in ppl's lives to say something positive is good actually.

But I am completely unable to express any kind of attraction to ppl, especially after realising I was #ace.

It's like a 50/50 fear - fear ppl will think I'm disgusting for thinking they're attractive and fear ppl will react positively to it and think it means I want to have sex with them.

I am incapable of hurting ppl's feelings. Most of my #relationships in my life have been with ppl I was not into but felt too bad to let them down (I have learned this is selfish and bad and do not do it anymore)

The idea someone might think I'm hitting on them and then have to go, yes I think you're pretty, but no I don't want to have sex with you seems absolutely mortifying.

So I just don't vocalise any interest, ever
#AceProblems

#asexual #aceSpectrum #neurodivergent