Tina Okoli-AzzalarabWhen “Good Intentions” Look Like a True Crime Episode
Hey everyone, it’s Tina. Grab a coffee, a blanket, or maybe a glass of wine (make it a large one), because today we are diving deep into the messy, confusing, and sometimes utterly embarrassing world of modern dating and relationships. Today, we need to talk about the “C” word.
No, not that one. Closure.
I’ll just come right out and say it: I have this terrible, burning, downright relentless bad habit of wanting closure from situations. I want answers. I want the final conversation. I want the neat little bow tied on top of the emotional wreckage so I can file it away in my brain and move on.
But here is the universal joke of the century: the exact people who are supposed to give me that closure are always the ones who run for the hills.
The Modern-Day Slap in the Face: The Block
We’ve all been there. You hit a bump in the road, things get weird, and instead of having a mature, adult conversation, they just… vanish. They ignore you. And then comes the ultimate modern-day slap in the face: The Block.
Now, a normal person might see a blocked number and think, “Oh, okay, they need space. I should move on.” Me? My brain immediately shifts into overdrive. The block doesn’t mean “stop,” it means “find another route.”
The Anatomy of a Closure Seeker’s Brain:
Which leads me directly to finding all their information and figuring out alternative ways to reach out to them for that one magical answer that I am convinced will set me free.
Intentions vs. Perception: The “Unhinged” Reality
Let’s just address the elephant in the room. Yeah, I get it. They didn’t technically hand me their secondary email address, their LinkedIn profile, or their cousin’s best friend’s Instagram handle. When I’m in the zone, trying to just get that one final sentence out, I turn into an FBI behavioral analyst.
I promise you, my intentions and my heart are completely in the right place! I just want peace. I just want mutual understanding. But I am also self-aware enough to admit that on paper—and probably to them—it comes off completely unhinged. Like, bat-shit crazy, psycho-thriller movie levels of unhinged.
The disconnect between my heart saying, “I just want to understand” and my actions looking like, “I will find you,” is a gap I am desperately trying to bridge.
Why the Final Conversation Matters
People are always so quick to say, “Tina, just let it go and move on!” But it is never that simple for me. Having that closure and the final conversation is incredibly important to me because it’s about clearing the air so the chapter can be closed for good. If the book is still open, I can’t help but re-read the pages.
A Block Feels Like a Pause, Not a Period
Giving me that closure, having that actual final talk, is the one guaranteed way to make me walk away for the rest of my life. If we talk it out, I’m gone. The book is shut. But blocking me? Ignoring me? To me, that actually leaves the door cracked open. It tells my stubborn heart that you aren’t fully ready to close it properly.
If you genuinely want me to stop caring, if you want me to stop seeing the good in you and hoping for the best, then give me that one final conversation. Give me that communication so I can finally stop, shut my emotions down completely, and move forward without looking back.
The Two Sides of the Closure Coin
Before I completely roast myself, I have to defend my fellow closure-addicts for a second. Because wanting answers isn’t entirely a toxic trait.
Why Wanting Closure is Actually a Good Thing:
- It means you give a damn: We don’t just treat people like disposable coffee cups.
- It shows a desire for accountability: You value communication and want to learn for next time.
- You have a big heart: The drive comes from a place of love and respect for the connection.
Why It’s a Terrible, No-Good, Very Bad Thing:
- You give away all your power: You hand them the keys to your peace of mind.
- It actively crosses boundaries: When someone blocks you, that is a boundary.
- It delays your healing: You keep the ghost of the relationship alive.
The Hardest Pill: Silence is the Answer
Here is a tough pill I’ve had to force myself to swallow lately. If you send that vulnerable message and they don’t come to your rescue—if they choose to leave you on read, or hit that block button—that shows you exactly where their mindset is.
If they really did care, they wouldn’t have blocked you. They would have come to rescue you. They would have responded, even if they were mad, instead of just shutting the door entirely. But they didn’t. At some point, the lack of an answer is the answer.
Giving Yourself the Closure You Need
I guess what it boils down to is this: my intentions always mean well. I genuinely care, I want to resolve things, and I have a lot of love to give. I am fiercely loyal and I don’t give up on people easily. But my delivery? My delivery makes my intentions look completely otherwise.
Closure isn’t something someone else magically hands to you in a perfectly worded apology text; it’s something you have to give yourself. Here is to realizing that and keeping our hands far, far away from the keyboard when we see that “Message Not Delivered” notification.
We’ve got this. Probably.
Love,
Tina
#DealingWithGhosting #emotionalAccountability #HealingAfterHeartbreak #MovingOnAfterABreakup #PersonalGrowthBlog #relationshipAdvice #SeekingClosure #selfAwareness #storiesFromTina #ThePsychologyOfBlocking #ToxicRelationshipPatterns