It's a glaring red flag if anyone in any position of relative power (managers, mentors, elder family members, elder community members, etc) insist that you keep their confidentiality.

Especially people holding structural power should take extreme care and give specific reasons for rare moments to request confidentiality

Insisting on blanket confidentiality regularly is an extreme, flashing red flag that should alert you to a likely abusive situation. If any aspect of situations like that feels at all off, tell them no, and say that you'd rather not discuss a topic that requires you to keep it confidential, out of mutual protection.

#LeadershipRedFlags

I missed including this earlier example of #LeadershipRedFlags

I'll get back to writing more examples after my energy to read mediocre management books recovers
https://infosec.exchange/@saraislet/110257711472046585

Leadership Red Flags, example 32:
In Radical Candor, following a story about the author's father sharing a sexist comment: "Luckily, he is my father and I knew how deeply he cared. But if he’d been another man, I might have been tempted to commit the fundamental attribution error—to write him off as hopeless, a misogynist, a sexist pig, or some other epithet."

It WAS a sexist comment. Acknowledge that he needs to work through that. Acknowledge that the game is rigged! We *all* absorb systemic sexism — and some of us are further on our journey to process and untangle and dismantle the sexism.

Of course we don't write someone off—and that's a great 101 lesson where bias isn't involved.

This particular guidance—"Don't write men off" in the section "Why gender bias makes Radical Candor harder for women"—is one of many examples in the section where the author puts the onus on women to do the work to fix sexism, without acknowledging that men are the group holding the power that enforces sexism. That doesn't mean "write men off" and it doesn't mean "all men and only men are sexist"

#MitM
#LeadershipRedFlags

Leadership book red flags #31:
"whether it’s the gay man forced to weather anti-gay jokes or the conservative forced to weather anti-conservative jokes, the result is the same—some part of them is negated, and they can’t help feeling alienated, not free at work. " - Radical Candor (Ch. 5)

That's not an excusable mistake. Criticizing WHO someone is cannot be compared with criticizing someone's OPINIONS. Being conservative as an "identity" isn't comparable with being gay as an identity.

#MitM
#LeadershipRedFlags

Example #29 of leadership book red flags:
"If nobody is ever mad at you, you probably aren't challenging your team enough"

My framing of a similar issue: "Diverse teams experience friction"

Healthy conflict is good! But "mad at you" isn't healthy conflict. Disappointed or upset or frustrated, yes absolutely. But IMO not discouraged, disheartened, angry, resentful — nor "mad". Again, word choice is hard, but IMO this was an important choice.

#MitM
#LeadershipRedFlags

Example #28 of weaknesses in current leadership books:
Radical Candor's preface has the section "Put your phone away and look people in the eye" followed immediately by "Diversity and Inclusion"

I'm certain the author understands why this was a mistake, but oof. Choices were made.

#MitM
#LeadershipRedFlags