That was possibly the loveliest Heau-Down I've had this year.
(With the exception of the Heau-Down when Joyfriend J tried to teach me how to handle a firearm.)
All my Boss Lady needs were met:
They decorated my dead money tree (it's a metaphor for the year I've had) for xmas
They made me a Black Manhattan
They suffered for me.
We made out like rabbits, and he said he really likes my uh brain.
The disappointment on Benson's face when he realized the Heau was not here to play with him.
Next time, old buddy.
The next Heau will play with you.
1.
Heau: I want to be owned by you 24/7. I really feel like I need that.
Me: SIGH [thinking about all the gotdamn work that entails]
2.
Maybe Heau: I appreciate your clarity about how you like your dynamics.
Me: Thanks for listening.
MH: You are a SoPo sadist and I need nurturing and cuddles. I'm not sure we're aligned.
Me: You are an incredibly intuitive person.
3.
NotAHeau: GAH, my mental health.
Me: You should get some bodywork done. That calms down my nervous system and gives me some space so my headspace chills a little.
NotAHeau: I don't like being touched by strangers.
NotAHeau: ... I am actively suppressing terrible lascivious thoughts right now. Also, I am more of a touch-slut than you.
NotAHeau: Hey! I'm a slut! I just don't like strangers. But you're not a stranger.
Me: Stahhhp. The universe has made us pen pals.
NotAHeau: I hate the universe.
Me: I blame Donald Trump.
Him: Aaand we're back where we started.
Dear BART,
I am trying to instill some discipline in these Heaux.
How can they learn timeliness and keeping their word when you are always breaking down and having police activity, hence making them late?!?
Now I'mma have to berate a Heau for not leaving himself a BART cushion.
Best,
A Bossy Lady
An afternoon of firsts!
First time at the dog run with Benson.
First time at the farmer's market with Benson.
First time licking a honeysuckle stamen. (Not as hot as it sounds.)
First time negotiating a scene on a street corner under an overpass.
So proud of Benson for being such a calm, curious boy in public!
Also, Awkward Coffee Date dude has chosen his box:
the Kinky Friend Zone!!
๐๐ฝ๐ฅ๐๐ฝ๐ฅ๐๐ซ๐๐ซ๐ช๐ฝ๐
Never let it be said I don't respect a boundary.
Let the beatings begin. Heh.
The price I'm paying to refresh my Heauxtation. Ugh. Bay area dating (if it can be called that) is just...meh.
Vanilla Coffee Date is back on deck for more coffee on Sunday.
Secret Gramps got waaaay ahead of himself and annoyed me.
Latex Cub also annoyed me, so he's on the back burner.
Poly Perve wants to move our chat off app. Sigh. I sense a pants selfie.
And a new player has stepped onto the mat: I'll call him Zorro Bear (because of his name -- and he's a bear. IYKYK)
Feeld will absolutely be deactivated again by Memorial Day.
2nd coffee date done.
Def older than his profile pic. (I know a 70 yo when I see one.) He also asked ZERO questions about me. Men suck. Seriously, no social skills at all.
I think the train station is where I'll have these from now on. It's a good walk AND Benson is more relaxed because there's less crowding and more birds.
And, really, Benson's comfort is really the only thing that matters here.
Maaan, looks like Awkward Coffee Date dude is in the lead.
Last year, for my birthday, I told the Heauxtation to give me Treats. They came through with massages, cocktails, back blowage, and various shenanigans.
This year, I'm asking for specific Treats: a fancy ass charcuterie board/box, aka Adult Lunchables.
I want to spend my 55th relaxing, being middle-aged, and eating fancy meats and cheeses on crackers.
Old Heau: I miss you.
Me: That's nice.
A slow day full of naps, snacks, Murdoch Mysteries (because I'm 80), and playing with Benson who just wants to hang out outside and eat croissants like he's a French cafรฉ denizen.
After our pre-dinner walk, I was apparently taking too long chatting with a neighbor because Benson, who'd been lounging at my feet, just got up and trudged upstairs without me.
He cracks me up.
I suppose I should text one of the Heaux who's been waiting for a date...I've just been enjoying all this me-time. My own company has felt delicious.
Diligence Jones