On the playground. K3 plays with a kid of similar age. Their parent makes conversation with me.
Parent: I've seen you around here before! You have two older boys, right?
Me: I have two older kids, yes
Parent: oh I just thought they were boys because they're always climbing in that tree
Conversation with relative:
Relative: would AFAB kid like this pink coat?
Me: it's far too big
Kid: I don't like pink
Me: AMAB kid would like it -
Relative: but it's a girls' color!
Me: - there are no girls' colors, and it's far too big for them as well, but it's their favorite color
Relative: my granddaughter also dislikes pink, and my grandson likes it. Of course he's not wearing any, but weird, huh?
Me: not really, because colors are for everyone
K1 woke mission update: not only did they give the princess on the coloring sheet dark skin today, they referred to the princess using "he/him" pronouns. Because "a boy can be a princess too".
My father, who is from a generation in which boys were boys and girls were girls, misunderstood the assigned gender of one of our child's friends.
(It's a name that is used for one gender in the US, but for another in Europe, where we live.)
When he asked a while ago, I told him what gender the kid is assigned, but the information didn't register. He has seen numerous pictures of the kids together, in which the friend is wearing rather stereotypical clothes for their gender. But he still does not suspect anything.
Somehow I love that. It's like a breath of fresh air in the fuggy room of gender stereotypes. I'm now sort of trying to keep him in the dark about the assigned gender of the friend – just because it is interesting to see him interpret everything I tell him about the kid through a different lens than he usually would.
I'm not saying that he is wrong. I don't know the gender of that kid, only their assigned gender. But what I'm saying is that such an innocuous misunderstanding reveals how grossly distorted the images are that are produced by the gendered lenses through which even toddlers are seen.
An observation:
when K2 wore a blue jacket, blue pants, and a white-pink-purple hat, they were gendered female by strangers about 50 % of the time.
When K3 wears the identical outfit (literally the same clothes), they're always gendered male.
It can't be the hair, K3 has more than K2 had. But what is it?
Me: has anyone given [AMAB kid] a hard time because they dressed up as a princess?
Kindergarten staff: no! Did they say something?
Me: no, I just wanted to ask
Kindergarten staff: a couple of kids asked questions about it last year, but by now, everyone knows that's just how they are. *pauses* I thought it was weird too, but you're right, everyone should dress up as whatever they like, right?
Baby steps, but steps, eh.
K2: I want charms to put on a bracelet! A dinosaur, a unicorn, a cat, a firetruck, and... a star
Gendered marketing says you can't get these in a set, but have to buy individual ones from Etsy 😭
Partner: what's the opposite of gender neutral parenting? I think my friends practice that 🙄
I'd be even happier, dear stranger, to tell you the binary gender/pronouns of my child if you wouldn't start stereotyping them based on that before I've even finished my sentence.
#ParentsOfFedi #FediParents #Parenting #GenderNeutralParenting #NonbinaryParenting
In other "people are weird about gender" news, I was at a kids' stuff flea market today and rolled my eyes endlessly because nearly every vendor asked "you want size 110? For a boy or a girl?"
Folks. One kid likes firefighters, blue, pink, glitter, unicorns, excavators, and purple. The other likes yellow, dinosaurs, space, beetles, red, and rainbows.
I'm not sure how telling you their gender would help with finding clothes they like.
Jules
Simon
Simon