I remember having a conversation with my (abusive) ex boyfriend about let’s call it… “performative interests.” (Aka misogynistic gatekeeping)

He accused me of liking video games, comic books, and computers “for attention.” For the sake of clarity, I’ll stick to a conversation we had about video games.

At the time, I worked at GameStop. I spent half of my paycheck on games, and spent a good portion of my free time gaming… usually with him or by myself.

I asked him, “Who am I trying to impress? Who am I ‘getting attention from’ when I’m laying on the couch playing my PS3 or 3DS for hours on end? Why would I spend hundreds, if not thousands of dollars… for ‘attention’ when it means I’m usually doing this in my own spare time? Why would I work at a game store if I didn’t actually like games? Why would I go to gaming meetups (and subsequently end up running those meetups) if I actually didn’t like games? Heck… Why would I ALSO go as far as attending conventions dedicated to these things if I didn’t really like them? Why would I spend time drawing and painting the characters if I didn’t really like them?”

His answer was a variation of “women don’t actually have interests and whatever they do is for men.”

Of course, I challenged that, but he didn’t waver.

I asked him, “Ok, so, is that how you feel about your hobbies? Are you engaging in them to impress other people? Other women? Maybe even other men?”

He laughed and said, “No, because I’m not a woman.”

This, and comments like it, are why I can’t stand when people gatekeep hobbies. I feel like sentiments like these exist at the root of the gatekeeping.

There’s always this assumption that, as a non-male presenting person, you’re constantly lying about the things you are interested in. Frankly, it’s very exhausting.

#Venting #Misogyny #Past #PastExperiences #ThinkingOutLoud #Gatekeeping #FightGatekeeping