What in blazes is an "arborwright"???

If he's a woodworker, why not say that? My first thought was "this guy works with entire trees, does he? Shaping them from saplings? Oh, no . . . he's a woodworker."

This penchant for coining nonce words (they'll not appear outside this book or perhaps the series) is maddening. We have so many cromulent words already! USE THEM!

::deep breaths:: Ropesman. Assemblageman. (Not "assemblyman." This is a wholly different context.) More I can't recall at present.

::more deep breaths::

#AmEditing #DevelopmentalCritique

"A line formed in front of each body, the least of which was fourteen strong, aside from (his) eight."

Aside from syntax issues (this could be much clearer), if one line has but eight members, and the next largest has fourteen, isn't the one with eight the least?

What am I missing? (Again, not a call for comment. This is just a typical cold read.) I suppose this is part of the writer's penchant for "writing like Tolkien." More words than are helpful, with unusual constructions. And I say that as one who enjoys Tolkien.

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Now I'm seeing "funerary" used as a noun (it's an adjective), apparently in place of "crematory."

I wish this were a copy edit, seriously. I could help so much if it were.

("Crematory" is properly the furnace for burning bodies; "crematorium" is the building encompassing the furnace and any other rooms needed for funerary activities.)

Augh.

#AmEditing #DevelopmentalCritique

Copy-editor thoughts: Does "gather' work when there are only two items to be, well, gathered? Doesn't it imply more than that? Why not just "take" or "pick up"?

N.b.: This is not a call for commentary. This is just one of those "weird things copy editors tend to pause for, that normal people glide right past."

And yes, I will probably poke around for guidance somewhere. Later. Not now. As usual, this is far outside project scope at present.

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"Resolve" used twice in one sentence, in two different senses.

#TooManyWords #AmEditing #DevelopmentalCritique

Oy.

Yes, Word, "manor" is exactly the right word here. It's a building. A manor.

Fuck off.

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"Tell them what you're going to tell them. Tell them. Then tell them what you told them" works well with instructional materials.

Not so much with fiction, though.

#TooManyWords #AmEditing #DevelopmentalCritique

"I am just not a head-of-the-table sort of person, if you take my meaning."

I *love* that self-characterization. It's completely on point for this dude. (He's been asked to sit at the head of an enormous table, as de facto leader. That makes him uncomfortable.)

This absolutely is the kind of thing I point out in dev crit letters. It's vital to tell a client what they've gotten right!

#AmEditing #DevelopmentalCritique

If I can impart but one bit of advice to this fellow (even if I don't get the project), it will be this:

Trust your readers.

Meaning, trust that they are intelligent people who will understand what you did without being told. Trust them to read between the lines you've drawn, as long as you've given them the information they need. Trust them to get you.

#AmEditing #DevelopmentalCritique

The same pronoun appears four times in the sentence I just read. There's no issue with clarity, no missing referent, but my goodness . . . rewording will aid readability, here. I could get that down to one instance of that pronoun without sacrificing the sense.

This is the kind of thing I did NOT include, specifically, in the "state of the project" letter. As usual, it's outside the scope; however, there's no way I can not make a mental note of it. He told me that among the feedback from readers is "there are too many words." Right here, this is what's happening. Too many words.

It's not like "too many notes" in "Amadeus." This can be corrected.

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