#Gaslighting creates unnecessary additional #traumas. It is #abusive & #manipulative.
I have always struggled with forgiveness towards gaslighters. It's literally #crazymaking & it's harmful to our souls. It makes you question yourself, your realities & it dissolves trust.
#Psychological #AbuseTactics #AbuseSurvivors #EducationIsPower
#Crazymaking is the opposite of #sensemaking
The word #summary comes from the Latin root summa, meaning “total,” “whole,” or “gist”. Its earliest English usage dates to the early 15th century as summari, describing something brief or containing only the essential substance. In Latin, summa referred to total or essence of something, derived from summus meaning “highest” or “uppermost”. From that came the medieval summarius, #meaning “of or pertaining to the sum or substance,” and summarium, meaning “an abstract or epitome”.
I guess that's the idea. #crazymaking according to #drbandylee
For anyone not old enough to remember, this is a spoof of an old US Army recruitment ad, “In the Army, we do more before 9am than most people do all day.”
Divorcing a #narcissist, #borderline or #histrionic can be even more exhausting, #toxic and #CrazyMaking than being married to/dating them. Many clients (and their #FamilyLaw #attorneys) fall into the trap of playing perpetual defense. In other words, going from #drama to drama, #crisis to crisis, pathological lie to pathological lie and #FalseAllegation of abuse to false allegation of abuse. Instead of having a strategy to get the best custody arrangement and financial settlement possible, you end up operating in a near constant state of #CrisisManagement.
THIS IS NOT EFFECTIVE LAWYERING. It is, however, lucrative lawyering.
If your attorney can’t/won't articulate a clear strategy to get you and the kids a good outcome and to proverbially “declaw/defang” the #CrazyEx it’s a problem. I never cease to be amazed how many clients’ attorneys haven’t explained their strategy. A strategy beyond, “Keep generating fees until your money runs out,” that is.
In order to facilitate this, it’s important to diligently document all the nonsense and bullshit — especially its impact on the kids. #ABR (#AlwaysBeRecording) and #ABD (#AlwaysBeDocumenting). Then, you need an attorney who will actually look at and listen to your documentation and knows how to implement it in a way that, again, gets you and the kids the best outcome possible.
Ms. Que Banh
Coach Pāṇini ®
Jesse Alexander, WB2IFS/3
Shrink4Men
Morgan Sheridan