Thank you very much! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

(⁠;⁠;⁠;⁠・⁠_⁠・⁠) … it's deeply unfortunate that I've lived under the thumb of one abuser or another throughout 99.999999% of my life 🙄😟…

😅 BUT, I guess the utility of that is being able to assess and talk about these situations with a more matter-of-fact manner than I'd be able to otherwise.

🙋🏾‍♀️It makes the words … and the heart…nice and sharp. 💔🩸🩸🩸🔪


#Writing #abuse #neglect #sabotage #betrayal #bad-childhood #bad-marriage #....If-nothing-else-I'mma-die-spiteful-💀💀💀 #it's-way-better-than-NOT-understanding-what-exactly-is-going-on-in-the-way-I-used-to;-I-can-certainly-tell-ya-that.

And I don't think abusers understand

That if they were to lock every window and barricade every door

Block every entrance and exit

Destroy every possible path of communication

Delete every outstretched hand so that I never see those who have tried to reach towards me,

This is not enough

to win me for yourself.

Were you the last person on Earth,

Were you the last Being in the universe,

this is not enough to endear you to me.

You project yourself and your sensibilities onto me.

I am not as desperate as you

I would not accept any and every connection for the lack thereof

I actually care about compatibility

I am not like a mindless faucet

If you destroy every cup in the house

This does not mean that I must, surely, and at last, pour my attention and my love into your mug.

I have sentience

and self-respect.

I respect the love that I have to give.

And I know that you have dishonored and betrayed that love greatly and repeatedly, with great cruelty and dismissal in your heart.

I know this enough, that, should I finally be so alienated by your cages and by your sabotage

That I were rendered unable to give my love to anyone EXCEPTING you ever again,

Please know that I would respect my own capacity to love enough

That I would never again pour it out.

My love would simply die inside of me

and rot away with my body --

even in my sorrow of the waste of it,

yet it would be so.

I would rather my ability to love die

before I ever again let you -- who have wronged and devalued that love so wantonly -- to taste

the merest droplet of it.


#Poem #betrayal #abuse #neglect #bad-marriage