quangobaudAre you or someone you know really excited for the holidays?
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Dr. Figuring-things-autIt's finally over. We've been outbid after 30 hours of bidding for the apartment. I have not been this stressed and tense in a long time and I am close to a meltdown/shutdown. Originally we had plans to go for a games and movies concert by a semi professional orchestra but even if I maybe could cope with the concert I don't think I can cope with rushing there, the transport and the people.
Bracing myself for a big birthday party of SO's Dad. They are expecting ~ 30 people & I'm prepared for when I run out of peopeling energy - I will go somewhere quiet & I will warn them beforehand. I never really understood it before but with these things there almost always comes a point when suddenly I feel like an alien, outside observer, pretend human. I get sad & exhausted & wanna leave but noone understands...
#ActuallyAutistc #AutisticStruggles #SensoryOverload #AutisticMasking
Sheesh, I need to take the bus & already at the station there's two people who's perfume gives me teary eyes from several meters apart.
The interruption... I tried to figure out what was happening, why I felt so so bad all of the sudden, SO was reacting to the tension & asked to drop it bc it was so minor. I snapped a little saying I am trying to process these feelings... Now I am teary in the bedroom under my weighted blanket bc I feel so bad & needed space. Feeling weird for being set off by something so small...
Yesterday I could clearly pinpoint the moment I had expended too much peopleing energy: I was teaching someone about a machine in the lab & my goodness. Filling 2 hours with talking and explaining was so draining! I crashed on the sofa all evening!
#actuallyAutisticAtWork #ActuallyAutistc #AutisticStruggles
#actuallyAutisticAtWork #ActuallyAutistc #AutisticStruggles
Worst thing about looking for an apartment is that now agents have my phone number & seem to prefer to call... π So intrusive. Also, I am busy working... π So glad I have been able to deactivate my voicemail!
I've been quite stressed this week but more in a "lot of work" & "too much peopleing" kind of way & I am happy not in a "I've been set up to fail & too many things remain unsolved" kind of way. The exhaustion is there but mentally I feel better at least bc I got more closure.
When I had #sleepIssues I've really enjoyed spot the object games on my switch. It's capturing enough to keep away the anxious spirals & unexciting enough to make me tired.
#AutisticStruggles #ActuallyAutistc
When I had #sleepIssues I've really enjoyed spot the object games on my switch. It's capturing enough to keep away the anxious spirals & unexciting enough to make me tired.
#AutisticStruggles #ActuallyAutistc
Ugh! Usually lab work is my safe place but today someone is sitting close to me with entirely too much perfume and it's giving me a headache π #ActuallyAutistic #ActuallyAutisticAtWork #AutisticStruggles
Trying to coerce myself into drinking more water today as to avoid headache again. Brought my water bottle with ice and lemon slices because I am in a phase where plain water is just so boring and my body doesn't really register thirst. π
#ActuallyAutisticAtWork #ActuallyAutistic #AutisticStruggles #BadInteroception
#ActuallyAutisticAtWork #ActuallyAutistic #AutisticStruggles #BadInteroception