i hate the need to respond to anxiety/embarrassment with physical pain but ihhhhhhhhh i gotta

i wish love nikki wasn't a different time zone so i could do my dailies in 20 min :/

i'm gonna close my eyes again and hopefully i've snapped out of unpleasant thought processes zzzzzz

sleep is not happening for me rn i closed my eyes & ended up in depth planning a hypothetical suicide and planning out an elaborate note with a whole individual thing written for a bunch of different people. but i would only do this if i had certain means which i have 0 access to & only if i was really sure i wanted to do it. and cuz i'm not actually gonna kms in the near future i basically just painstakingly processed my feelings for a lot of people for no reason and it wasn't fun

for once in my life i'm not interested in buying clothes (trying 2 make my own) and i'm interested in buying bras (i'm gay) even though i hate wearing them and don't 90% of the time
pleas let me die

i searched tumblr for oc inspo and found a bunch of people who already made all the concepts i had & better. i saw a bitch whose quirk was to manipulate their own tears and i gave up because there was nothing more oktaviacore than that

this is so surreal someone i follow who's also a lesbian csa survivor was talkin bout his feelings abt sex and it's almost exactly the same as mine. i'm like, shaken, because i've never heard anyone talk about any of it & i always felt like a fucking freak. i'm just. WoW