@aphyr "Sir, my database is fracturing reads, won't you fracture my ass 😳"

"This is a striking viewpoint" – "know what else you could strike? 🥺"

"RavenDB stretches credulity." – "!!!"

"Future research could expand tests across multiple nodes" – *faints* (okay but that sentence is so beautifully threatening)

you think they'll publish a reBUTTal?

(okay okay, I think I got it out of my system now)