@orange My point is this: Young adults are smart enough to know when they are being lied to, or being presented an abstinence-only view of sexuality. They recognize when everyone is listing reasons not to have sex, but nobody is trusting them with how to do it responsibly.

If someone is asking *you* for advice, it's because they know they don't have all the information. It may be because they need help sorting fact from fiction. It may be because they have parents or educators who are actively hostile to that conversation. It may be because they are trying to overcome a lifetime of failed education and gaslighting. And it may be that your honest answer helps them to stay safe.

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@orange Growing up, I was insulated from information about sex. Years at a religious school left huge gaps in what should have been age-appropriate knowledge. And later, at a public (i.e., non-religious) high school, the experience wasn't much better (the words "parental opt-out" featured prominently, but the full experience really leaned into graphic depictions of STIs, and less into practical prevention).

Parental guidance was also lacking. The full content would fit in a short paragraph, but only if the first and last sentence were "you'll really screw your life up."

There was one adult - a friend of my mom - who initiated a conversation with me (at ~age 18). She asked if I had access to condoms, and offered to (and later did) supply some. As awkward as that interaction was (for me and my mom), it was also the first sex-positive interaction I had with an adult to that point.

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@jvnkyard

I have a script that scans a directory for recently modified files, and shocks you if you haven't made any changes recently. I've used it to stay focused on programming and writing tasks.

It's easy to bypass by saving a file without doing any work. But it *will* keep your mind from wandering to other distractions if you need to save a file every 60 seconds.

This framework isn't perfect. But, it is a tool to communicate about the experiences you are trying to create. And while emotions don't always map neatly into clear categories, this hierarchy provides some structure to help locate the right words to describe what you're feeling or wanting to feel.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on how this framework applies to kink. I'd also love to see how you apply it to your own interests or to explain a scene you'd like to engage in.

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Applying this framework to myself:

In a submissive context, I relate most clearly to the `Afraid` category, especially in a power exchange dynamic (`Helpless > Powerless`). Bondage is a great way to achieve that. I want to feel `intimidated` (eg, by the dom's strength, control, or use of pain implements) and/or `exposed` (eg, nudity, or being restrained in a vulnerable position). By contrast, being bound and left alone does very little for me, or would benefit from further discussion.

For intense scenes, I want assurance that my needs are met. For this type of play, that means `Safety > Trust` to know that a partner isn't going to overstep what has been negotiated, as well as `Relationship > Caring` to know that physical/emotional health is a priority for them.

Feeling `Embarrassed` is also fun, but is balanced against a strong need for `Safety > Boundaries > Privacy`. Being in a private place, away from cameras, will feel much safer for me.

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