You know you're at a good barbeque place if there's one of these at the table

"we're a family here" is something no actual family has ever had to say

May god grant me the confidence of someone who read half of Sapiens

I have *got* to start having some different nightmares

Nobody on LinkedIn has ever had a bad day. Every setback is a "growth opportunity." Every firing is a "new chapter." Every complete professional disaster is framed as "excited to announce." These people would describe the Titanic as "a bold pivot to submarine operations."

I have decided that there are some things I don't like