You get to be an animorph but only the bugs

It’s unsettling when protein shake ads make it look like a yummy drink to enjoy instead of something you choke down as fast as possible.

Tis the season to walk by the bag of cadbury mini eggs 50 times a day, sneak one egg and think about how naughty you are for doing it

Gym goals? 6’5”, blue eyes, trust fund or just a big guy to treat me like an object

Really proud of people that early vote. Me? I want to wait in a line during the work day and exercise my civic duty to not work (and vote).

If dawn soap is good enough for ducks I don’t know why we don’t all use it as body wash

If anyone asks where I am, tell them I’m disassociating with the gals at brunch on three brands of tranquilizers.

I was able to plug a USB in correctly the first time without flipping it around twice. Where’s my award?

This isn’t a haiku
It’s not a haiku at all in fact
It really isn’t one