I talk a lot of shit for someone who can't fuck unless it's behind a locked door.

accidentally boosted my own toot
luckily I caught it and unboosted it before anyone saw, I hope
so embarrassing

I can’t believe what you fucking people are willing to pay for chicken wings.

Do you even live in an old house if you don’t need to jiggle the toilet handle?

Finally, a new place to go to talk about my period.

The next time you feel bad about yourself, just remember that at least you're not Joel Osteen.

If you drink eggnog, you might as well just cum in your own mouth.

Being ugly at the gym is a serene experience.