Why do I keep having nightmares about school? Either I'm sitting in a class and am completely unable to process the information being said, or I'm on my way to an exam and can't remember what's on it, or where it is. Last night was at least the third or fourth time I can consciously remember having a dream like that, and I'm sure there were more before I lowkey started trying to count them.

Not sure where these dreams are coming from, since overall I didn't do too bad in school. There were definitely rough spots, everything from feeling isolated and alone in a class I couldn't follow but everyone else seemed to be fine with, to meltdowns over assignments, to a bit of cheating when I didn't think I could pass if I played fair. But still, I had more decent experiences than bad ones, and in the end everything turned out okay. I didn't even start having these dreams until well after I graduated. So yeah... Not sure what my silly brain is doing.

This is admittedly something really stupid to get upset about, and it's something that I know I am very guilty of at times. But it's quickly becoming a pet peve of mine, so I am trying not to do it in future. It's this thing where person A asks a question, and person B has to point out the errors in judgment behind that question instead of just providing the simple answer that's being asked for.

An example: Just an hour ago my mom was looking at stuff on the computer. Her boyfriend was in the living room watching TV. My mom calls from the computer room that she wants to show him something. He asks if he can stay in the living room or if he needs to come out. He's dealing with a lot of knee pain issues at the moment, so he was probably hoping he could stay put. But my mom, instead of just saying yes you need to come out, she goes, "Well, wouldn't a little common sense tell you that you need to come to the computer? I can't bring it in the living room."

When he, and later I, tried to explain to her that she didn't need to say it like that, she got defensive. "He knew I was out here on the computer," she insisted. "He didn't need to ask." Right, but he did, because you didn't tell him, hey I want to show you a computer thing. And even if you did, and he still didn't put 2 and 2 together, so what? All you had to do was answer with yes or no. It's not hard.

Another example, many years ago one of my old teachers took me out for supper. Before I left the house, I asked her if she thought the weather was cold enough to wear a jacket. Her response was, "How old are you? I'm not gonna be there forever to tell you what to do."

I felt trappped in a corner. If I expressed my immense annoyance, I would be digging my own grave, no matter how crafty and clever I tried to be, because that's usually what seems to happen. If I said nothing, I would be bottling it in and I wouldn't have a good time. In the end, I said the worst thing I could possibly say (and I seem pretty prone to that sadly). I explained that I haven't been outside today, hoping that would give some necessary context. It didn't. It got me a lecture about how I can check the weather ridiculously easily, and avoid the need to ask stupid questions. It probably wasn't worded quite like that, but it made me angry. And guess what? I'm still angry about it. Sue me.

So um, yeah. Imho, life is too crappy and short to point out inconsequential lapses in planning and judgment. A tiny bit of patience and understanding can go a long way.

So, our electricity is scheduled to be shut off today from 2:00 to 4:30 for maintenance or some other minor procedure. So what do you think my brain is doing? If you're thinking it's dreading the shutoff, you'd be only 30 or 40 percent right. I mean, I am, but an even bigger part of me is going, what if they shut it off at 1:30 and I'm not ready? I'm doing something on the pc and scrambling to get in that last 30 minutes in before 2:00? Or what if I shut everything down at 1:45 to be early, but they wait until 2:30? Then I've just completely wasted, at minimum, a half hour of my life. 45 minutes if you count the trying to be early part.

This constilation of thoughts, or some version of it anyway, happens every time somebody I don't know schedules something. It's like, I have to feel out someone's time management first before I can be comfortable with their time-related promises. Are you routinely 15 minutes early? An hour late? This is something that my autistic ish brain really needs to know, and for obvious reasons I have no idea how on time the power company tries to be. And that's not even counting factors out of anyone's control like heavy traffic, getting lost, or other delays. Ehh.

I wouldn't say this is stressing me out, because life will go on regardless. It's just... The anticipation of a relatively unknown event is going to be hanging over my head all day until it's over. I guess that is a mild form of stress, and it's one that most people around here would probably pick on me or chastise me about. Plus my level of motivation to do techy shit today will tank even lower than it already is.

Okay, I'm done complaining now lol

rofl! Just got a text, warning me that I have an outstanding traffic ticket, and that my vehicle registration and driving priveleges could be suspended tomorrow. um, okay? I'm blind and don't have a vehicle or a license. Joke's on you, my dudes.

Plus the suffixes on the dates were wrong. The fourth of the month was written as 4st, and fifth was written as 5nd. Come on now. I'm no programmer by any means, but I've made scripts in AutoIt that are smarter than that.

Hey guys, I seriously need some good vibes if possible. I've had all sorts of computer issues over the past 12 hours.

First, my primary web browser got flagged as a virus. Out of nowhere. I removed it and got the latest version, which got me up to date (I needed to update anyhow), and it seems to be good now. No other programs were flagged and virus scan is coming up clean. So could be just a faulty Microsoft Security intelligence update.

Then about 8 hours later, my computer shut down out of nowhere. Like the power had been cut. Then it restarted several times. Finally it was able to get NVDA going, which told me it was installing updates.

Several more restarts later and it's back on, and Windows Update seems satisfied. But... my newest external hard drive had seemingly disconnected. It was making its usual noises but wasn't being seen by Windows. Unplugging it and plugging it back in several times fixed that, and to my knowledge at least, it is now in full working order (Crystal Disc Info isn't showing me anything scary-looking about it). At this point, everything seems fine. But I am getting really jittery, facing the impossible task of trying to prepare for what might go wrong next.

I'm cursing the fact that I practically live with computers. But I do. When they behave, they are my biggest hobby and bring me the most enjoyment. But when they act like this... They are my biggest source of anxiety, my biggest triggers of panic. Any one of the events I just described would take me on a really crappy ride, but to have multiple in one day... I'm making a real effort to detach here.

I mean, maybe we're good now. After all, I've been typing and editing this post for the last 43 minutes, and the computer is just happily doing what computers are supposed to do, acting like the perfect obedient companion that never does anything wrong. Meh, can I just blame this on a rough Windows update, and try to forget any of this happened? Please?