Notes on my decision to take my antipsychotics again, and to log off social media for a while:

I'm trying to hold on but am making more and more erratic decisions. I'm doing the classic "I don't need meds" bit. I do have a mood stabilizer and an anti anxiety med, but just those by themselves landed me in a horrible mental hospital and almost got me arrested in July. "It'll be different THIS time tho." My psych of 2+ years really really thinks I should take them, she has seen me off them. "But I wanna drink and do drugs!" "But my libido!" And the meds aren't even that bad, at the low dose I have them at (Latuda). atm Ativan is what I have for a crisis, but when you're in a crisis, it's hard to stop and take your meds.

Also the urges to transition seem to be tied to my instability. If I truly need to transition, those urges will come through a low dose of antipsychotic.

My reasoning is bad, the effects have been bad and are getting worse. I'm doing this so I don't run into another crisis. I'm already causing damage again.

I look at pics of women and am like "nah that's not me" most of the time.

Often in the mtf furry art I look at, I lose interest when they go full woman.

Maybe I just like tf? Maybe I'm a chaser?

This is why I'm feeling it out before deciding whether or not to transition.