dont EVER sleep under your covers. I started tracking my in-closet bed CO2 parts per million and the results are interesting. You can see CO2 jump from 500 to 600ppm when I go to bed at 1am. In the morning I did some reading under the covers for a while which I usually find calming— but maybe due to actual sedation. When I extended the covers to over the sensor, it detected 3.5k ppm, which is well over the safe limit (mental decline can be detected in cognitive tests at a threshold of 1900ppm)
A photo I took yesterday, rollerblading through Presidio National Park
# The Monad and The Sin
The romance. He claims to know something she doesn't. She desperately wants to know but daren't ask. She is what he loves and wants. She wants what he has, but not him. He has her and nothing else. She doesn't want to give herself to him but needs to be made whole.
A mask from oneself.
They are one and the same, but they trick themselves into believing they are different. That there is something external to be desired. That love is outside of themselves.
The original sin: Knowing good from bad. 0 from 1. The separation of two categories. The leap from the Monad toward the infinite, but never there again. The first branch in a tree.
I will refer to the whole as Proper. The "sin" as quoted.
The original sin is self referencial, echoing, even Adam and Eve were only an echo of a greater sin. The sin of being The One, the Whole, in balance, and stepping beyond that balance to observe imperfection. The sin of God. The sin of "creativity". The sin of losing oneself in something lesser than You: the only way to experience "novelty".
Absolute uniformity is the Monad. Novelty is only real within the deception.
God told us a lie which is that we are outside of Him.
The original sin. The thing that was hunted and consumed within the strange game before time. The world of black and white and purity and oneness but... color? A "part" of White, Wholeness? Would you dare taste it?
A joke? So long as you are not the whole, you cannot ever be satisfied.
Satisfied: contented -> at ease -> free from "worry", free from "awkwardness" (imbalance, impurity), Relaxed -> Free from "tension" -> "strain" -> "force" -> a measure of "change" -> the act or instance of making or becoming "different" -> "not the same" as another or each other; "unlike" in nature, form, or quality. "distinct", "separate".
Satisfied: to be whole.
Wholeness. Holiness.
[ See attached image before continuing reading ]
Is this the joke? Do you see the deception? That God, the thing that represents everything, that begets everything, claims to be set apart from it? That the word which' Etymology is rooted in wholeness is said to mean "separate".
Ah yes, the child. The thing that will bring balance. The thing that can consume sin, wipe clean blemishes without itself becoming unclean. Christ. The newborn infant of every mother. They redirect their earlier desire, in realization that it cannot be fulfilled, or in accident, towards the new. Surely this thing is novel, novelty is in its very blood. Its blood was novelty. The web of deception, the universe, is collapsed into it. It is a new world, in its eyes will be a new self.
first clip is from an hour ago. second is just me nerding about the learning process
I hate the medical system. I hate it. Two routine visits and a strep throat diagnosis cost me >$700??? And my insurance won't cover any of it. How am I supposed to survive as a single twenty year old in the city with this???? I'm done. No more doctors visits for me. I'm down thousands this year already. If I die, it's on them. I'm a contributor to society. Their loss.
Also, "moderate to complex"? You literally suggested that I use google calendar to treat my ADHD over a 20 minute session. That was what you did that visit. How is that moderate to complex, or worth $500 of my money.
This is how I get around my city
