@Mana930 www.unicorns-r-us.com is a great place to start if you have been thinking you want to date as a couple rather than separately - it outlines a lot of the newbie pitfalls.

@JoshRollins poor mental health is often linked to gut issues. Get a gut analysis (eg uBiome) and check gut diversity first step. If poor, make some key diet changes. Sounds suuuuper boring but we have the technology to begin to quantify these problems. Has helped me tremendously.

@Jerrik we did! But both hopeful for some play with others which didn't quite happen... okay not completely true I did get some spanking and flogging in with a friend, hehe... but I'm crap at flirting with new ppl!!

@Jerrik yeah I think that is social conditioning. But that's likely to be even worse in standard couples where the guy is het and looking only for a unicorn not a dragon (I prefer the term narwhal 😊!) it's been so long since I even entertained the idea but back in the day it was what I wanted with my whole heart. I'm very cautious now though, especially with newbs. At this point I'm not sure they are willing to do the work though, they are not showing enough curiosity or self reflection...

@poly_pockets honestly, having come out of a decade of monogamy and only about 10 months of very wonderful bf, and no other relationships yet, I am not sure. Green flags would be curiosity, asking a lot of questions, honesty, openness. I have 2 of those with the couple I'm talking with. But I am getting a lot more engagement with her, and I think he's a bit codependent and relies on her for his identity (red flag). But they are super honest I think, which is refreshing!

@poly_pockets okay that is super weird. SO is used mostly by monogamous dyads to mean their "other half" ie primary partner ie MORE important /significant than just a gf/bf!

@poly_pockets complete opposite of my SP/RA bf. He started calling me "a" girlfriend (as opposed to "his" which implies ownership) really early on and it really confused me as I do tend to associate bf/gf to mean more than I think he does, even now after some time sitting with it. Yet he expresses love regularly and we communicate like primaryish partners, and ask that confuses me as well still, tbh. Language is important. Maybe we need a different word for poly bf/gf that is more specific??

@JoshRollins I am probably at heart more suited to polyfi/monogamish, but currently the only relationship I'm in is with a non-nesting partner, and I would like (at least one) nesting partner. If I find that then I'm very likely to stop looking, at least for a while.