One of the worst parts about aging is having a doctor younger than you.
Me: do you think I have a frozen shoulder?
Doogie Howser 2.0: it’s a fro-sho fo sho
😵💫
Joseph Thomas
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Senior Executive Director, Clean Plate Club
Alice McFlurry 
Football and basketball time clocks are why I have trust issues.
In honor of Dick Cheney’s passing, I will be invading Napistan later this afternoon.
New York friends: please do not vote for Zoran Mamdani today. If he loses the mayor’s race, he will have no choice but to start an OnlyFans account, and that will be the greatest thing that has ever happened in the world, ever.
Rob RicciI’m beginning to think my doctor went to those Caribbean diploma mill medical school schools.
I asked him if the medicine he was prescribing had any interactions with NSAIDs and he just told me that they were sold out of oxtail for the rest of the day.
Trying to be adventurous and try new things. Had an oat milk latte for the first time today.
More like scrote-milk latte. what the hell?!
Dakki Reads
The fact that there are no shirtless photos of Zohran Mamdani floating around the Internet is proof that God does not exist.
The iPhone Notes app? No thank you.
I stored the drafts of all my jokes on Microsoft Pundrive™️.