jackdaw_ruiz

307 Followers
307 Following
867 Posts


he/him. PDX corvid.
doesn't matter how many selfies Garfiald posts -- this is literally the only way i can picture him typing out posts.
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@Pixley @laser @sweetmercury

Dr. Kellogg invented ska in the 1920s when he deduced that the vibrations from horns would facilitate bowel movements.
@jackdaw the idea was to hold in the yogurt enema while skanking to strengthen the pelvic floor and cure incontinence.
I saw Eugen at a grocery store in Los Angeles yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.

He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”

I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face.

I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.

The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.”

At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.

When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.

yeah i'm into fitness

fitness whole bee hive into my mouth

we are all cowboys in the womb, most of us just reabsorb the cowboy hat
when you die, the accumulated sarcasm from your entire lifetime is collected up and animated as a golem that you must battle to proceed into the afterlife.

i'm not saying sarcasm is an unalloyed bad thing. i'm just saying get ready to square up one of these days.
Garfiald doesn't actually know anything about the comic strip Garfield. Nobody knows why he picked that username. He didn't know what lasagna was until 3 months ago.
I think Dune has the absolute maximum allowable number of made-up words before a story becomes incomprehensible nonsense and that it part of the reason I like it