If it sounds like the composer might be a vampire, it's Bach.

If it sounds like the composer is trying to set the violins on fire, it's Vivaldi.

If it sounds like the composer is trying to sell you fancy mustard, it's Haydn

If it sounds like the composer is making fun of you, it's Mozart.

If it sounds like your high school graduation, it's Elgar.

If it sounds like the composer is trying to make you as deaf as he is, it's Beethoven.

If it sounds like the composer is trying to shoot you, it's Tchaikovsky.

If it sounds like the composer is mansplaining to you, it's Wagner.

If it sounds like you bought Star Wars on Temu, it's Holst.

If it sounds like a fancy costume party with rich old people dancing, it's Strauss.

If it sounds like an angry costume party with rich old people trying to kill each other, it's Brahms.

If it sounds like it's ripping off Celene Dion, it's Rachmaninoff.

If it sounds like the composer is trying to incite a riot, it's Stravinsky.

If it sounds like there's 10 hands playing a single piano, it’s Liszt.

If it sounds like there's 10 hands playing a single piano and all of them are clinically depressed, it's Chopin.

If it sounds like every single choir kid in the entire city is on stage at the same time, it's Mahler.

If it sounds like the composer tried to make a piano out of feathers, it's Debussy.

If it sounds like it's in the shape of a pear don't make me laugh sea foam you're tickling me, it's Satie.

If it sounds like two marching bands playing different songs meeting at the 0 yard line, it's Ives.

If it sounds like it's very urgent that you do something IMMEDIATELY but you don't know what, it's Orff.

If it sounds if it sounds if it sounds if it sounds if it sounds if it sounds like this, it's Glass.

If it sounds like someone spilled all the notes and now they're all coming out in a random order, it's Schönberg.

If it sounds like , it's Cage.