Forever Hairy

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404 Posts
I was a big deal on Twitter. Ask your mom. Hairy AF since 1975. 
https://justmytoots.com/@foreverhairy@mstdn.party

New movie called “Lights Out”

To prevent the apocalypse, a father must make sure his children turn off their bedroom lights when they leave the room or else 1,000,000 people will die.

After 15 minutes into the movie everyone on the planet is dead and the movie ends.

It’s Oscar gold.

“clout” is a portmanteau of “clown slut”
elmope
Surround yourself with people who call you out on your bullshit but then feel bad and buy you stuff.
Latest research shows there is no safe level for alcohol consumption. Sadly, it’s finally time to accept that we’ll just have to give up research.
The fact that my wife finds it more painful to pee on an airplane than to hold it in for 6 hours and get a UTI is why I will never understand women.
I saw a post this week that claimed having sex doesn’t burn any calories and my response to that is, “Uhhhh, maybe not the way *you* do it…”
You may be all that and a bag of chips, but I only care about the chips part.

AGE 20: find someone who looks at you the way [besotted person] looks at [object of affection].

AGE 40: find someone who looks at you.

AGE 60: find someone.

AGE 80: find whatever it was you came in here for.

Guys make the same face during sex that they make when trying to ride a unicycle.