I feel so insensitive to everyone. Every word I misspoke, said something stupid, just existing. I feel like I'm doing everything wrong. Someone should tell me off everytime I do something wrong. It's feels right. Someone should tell me what I'm doing wrong. Yell at me. Apology? Who wants a fucking apology? I should just die. It would probably ease everyone. I wouldn't be a constant bother, an annoyance. That or I want to punch myself until I bleed to death.

#jirai #jiraidon #jiraidanshi

It's not even that everything is either 100% or 0%. Sometimes I just feel meh, content, okay, but that's because nothing is happening for me to feel anything. It's like being put in an empty room and then told "how do you feel?" What am I supposed to feel about nothing? Sad? Do you want me to cry or be happy?

And also happy is either wholesome happiness or I kinda feel like the Joker happy.

#jirai #jiraidon #jiraidon #jiraidanshi

RE: https://mastodon.social/@Wasteful_raccoon/116540021177484268

I remember when I use to see them now I never see them because I never leave the house and when I do the only animal I'll see is a bunny or a squirrel. They are somewhat scary. I can agree on that.

I kinda want attention but I should be sleeping but I want attention.

#jirai #jiraidon #jiraidanshi

RE: https://mastodon.social/@flowerbornofdarkness/116542183421961344

No, like sympathy and I feel it personally. Like I don't know. I'm phasing out and in of consciousness but like my eyes never look sleepy so I'm like aware. Just my brain kinda fuzzy but not really because I can remember it well enough but just— I don't know anymore.

#jirai #jiraidon #jiraidanshi

RE: https://mastodon.social/@flowerbornofdarkness/116542176253769051

Even though I can remember where we were, how old I was, maybe how old he was too. But it feels like, I don't know, remembering someone's pain. Like "oh that probably hurt a lot" so I don't really feel it personally. Just like sympathy I guess. That's like strange to say.

#jirai #jiraidon #jiraidanshi

I still remember every person who called me crazy. It's three people. ..... I think. I don't know, I feel like I made it up or dragging it out since I should've gotten over it by now. It actually hurts my feelings like being called werid. I remember when he said that straight to my face and I just said "yeah, I know" with a smile on my face. It feels kinda fuzzy thought. Maybe I just made it up then. Like, made it up for attention to get pity.

#jirai #jiraidon #jiraidanshi

I really wonder what a therapist would say about me. Would they say the same stuff I'm already aware of or say something new or give a different perspective or bring something up I never thought I would be? Just what's wrong with me?

#jirai #jiraidon #jiraidanshi

I hate when I get violent thoughts. Like do you think I like being like this? Do you think I'm having fucking fun being so angry all the time that I to go violence? LIKE DO YOU?!?!?!?!

"Then work on it."

How about you fucking work on being sympathic bitch!!!

"Jeez, you have issues. Crazy talking to yourself."

You're not fucking helping.

#jirai #jiraidon #jiraidanshi

Was gonna play more tomodachi life but misery got in the way. I don't want to do anything. I wanna say fuck you to everything and sit in my misery ass feelings. I'm tired.

#jirai #jiraidon #jiraidanshi