Your fancy ass Tesla just looks like a shoe with wheels…so a roller skate.

There’s two kinds of winter drivers in the United States: those who drive 25-35mph, and those who need to pull the fuck over and walk.

"ai art is theft" yeah true but wait until you discover what profits are

I can think of no greater eternal punishment in Hell than having to listen to Paul McCartney’s “Wonderful Christmastime” on loop for all eternity.

Hearing 30-year-old conservative dudes make “forklift certified” meme references in real life conversation…in a grocery store…is a level of cringe I didn’t think was physically possible.

If you don’t understand something, you’ll think it’s easy.

I’m 99% sure there’s an equation out there that explains the physics of why the tops of balloons look like b00bs.

The internet brought its A game with the ugly #Christmas sweaters this year.

That feeling when you’re old as shit and you already know your #Spotify #wrapped is going to be nearly identical to last year, and the year before, etc etc

I’m just gonna say it.
The #McRib is the deadbeat dad of #McDonalds sandwiches.
You never know when it’s gonna show up, how long it’s gonna be around for,
never fails to disappoint you,
and then disappears just long enough for you to forget why it was so awful in the first place.