going to do a “did you know?” fun facts Twitter page that’s just stuff I dreamed about, like “did you know the dog from Blues Clues only got one sick day a year?” don’t even wait for replies, just delete account immediately. phone tossed in a river. buy a new phone. new tweet. “One time a puppy ate an entire water bed and died.” delete account. change my name and dye my hair

a tumblr 404 page that just says “Sit tight while we piss our pants :-) Baby make pissy pants :-) :-3” and then you immediately get a virus

my dick is a psy-op

everyone is just having a penis these days

moving all the celery in the grocery store into the gender section as a practical joke. i don't know what the gender section is or why it's there. i don't know who i am. i wake up in a cold sweat

10 years in to using twitter with 330k followers who hate me, absolutely miserable, posting stuff like "when it comes to dip, nothing beats spinach artichoke" and the top reply is just a photoshopped image of me in a casket

going ape mode on the drywall in my room after finding stick stickly's name in the epstein flight logs

trying to not become deceased. sounds like it fucking sucks