I'm sometimes fascinated by people who chose to do art for a living in a niche market like furry.

Like it's great that yiu can, but right now I'm just seeing people asking for help cause the market is barely there. I dunno, I don't particularly like having a soul sucking job. But I like the steady income, health insurance and not having to figure out over the top complicated taxes. But also in these times when luxury items are not people's main focus. When times get tuff a few thousand dollar fursuit is NOT priority. Like yeah it'd be nice, but for me I'd rather keep a roof over my head and my stomach full for a few months.

I dunno been seeing a lot more go fund mes from people who didn't branch out and are now paying the price. When it's good shits really good, but it's not sustainable. I don't think a lot of folks took that in to consideration, that what we are dealing with right now IS THE REALITY. The end is unclear and no where insight. So sticking with a failing business and not looking for a more sustainable backup is just overall a bad move.

After blowing way to much on this fucking debt, I'm finally free. Sad when the collection agency was nicer then the fucking company that fucked me over. Oh our system changed, yes we alerted you, no we sent it to the wrong address and even though you called to pay your bill we didn't say anything. Oh our old system is gone, we sent your debt to collections cause you didn't pay off the 8k before we got rid of our old system. No we didn't mention anything to you, but we did send bills to THE WRONG ADDRESS EVEN THOUGH WE HAD THE CORRECT ADDRESS FOR 2 YEARS.

Fucking hate Drs.... this is why I'm reluctant to see male Dr's. They dismiss me, ignore me, tell me I'm being to emotional, blame me for getting type 1 diabetes. Then shrug and say well we tried and sent it to the wrong address. You didn't pay, it's on you now.

So fuck that place! Also they have some really horrendous reviews, most are fine but some... people's eyesight actually got worse and were told OH WELL THATS ON YOU. LIKE THE FUCK IT IS!

Oh hey there's that break down I knew was coming. And here's me screaming for help from people, being met with. Oh what's that? Ignoring the problem? Why yes let's scoot around my issue like I'm not over here just wanting to feel valid!

Not only did my work schedule change to fuck all, I got a flu shot, caused a huge lump to form, when the lump disappeared I had a head cold. That was Sunday, it's now Friday night. I still can't breath through my nose, i wake up feeling like I'm auffoc oh and I've lost my sense of taste for the last 3 day. Which in turn is making me give up the will to eat food.

Can't taste shit, everything tastes like nothing. Made some rice, nothing, mare Brussel sprouts, felt judt weird in a liquid. I just do not care to eat anything, let alone enough to stop me from being hungry. I also bought food last weekend. Yeah that's going to rot now, no point in eating it cause I can't taste anything! And yes I've flat put said this to people, I've lost the will to eat food. Silence, nothing no words 9f encourage, most just words of wanting me to stop being so pessimistic.

Oh also add this to the shit cake, woke up today in severe pain. Why? Cyst had formed in my right hand, which also caused my arthritis to Flare up to the point of I couldn't use my hand. Should I call my Dr? Why? Did it Monday got charged $35 to be told just drink fluids, it's not the flu shot, and monitor that cough. The cough dries out my throat, kicks my gage reflex which causes me to vomit.

So YEAH IM CURRENTLY HAVIBG A BREAKDOWN ALONE IN THE DARK. Trying to figure out how to survive the weekend of isolation cause I can't deal woth people.

So I'm looking for compression socks, but not full on socks. I've worn them before, worked nicely, but they left blisters on the top of my feet. Which in turn took forever to heal. Now I have lovely scars. But the swelling is mostly in my ankles and worse on my left side. I'm on my feet at work, standing in cement. I have insoles, but I've also developed corns which are extremely painful when they wish to be. I CAN NOT afford to see uet another specialist and a really expensive custom foot ware. So I'm kind of stuck seeing what I can afford off the shelves, or on amazon. Add in I wear a aize women's 11 WIDE (swelling on any given day) and I'm basiclly fucked all the time.

Seriously why is just existing so expensive? I just want to not be in pain. On a regular basis. Like I'm already always in pain, but it just keeps multiplying everyday. I take pai. Killers so I can just start moving. If u say that to anyone I get dirty looks. Like well MUST be nice for your body to work correctly! I've not had that LUXERY SINCE I HIT PUBERTY!

ANYWAY, I'm trying some knee high sleeves, see how this goes. If it actually compresses or just squishes the fluid towards my knees. Can only wear them at home, my ankles tend to start hurting after a bit, so mo extended periods of time just yet. Plus I have to wear an extra sock over the sleeve. And I already over heat by existing. Soon hot flashes will kill me, whenever that is supposed to start. Not like I'll notice much, my body is already garbage at existing and has been for a decade now.

Interesting to wat h all these people who will claim to be your friend. But when a situation arises. They are no where yo be found. When yiu do find them, they are hiding behind ignorance, or other people who caused the situation. Making up excuses why they didn't have your back.

Interesting how this works, how it never changes. Only the people doing it changes, but the situations always stay the same, nothing is ever fixed, nothing gets better. Just stays right where it is.

So not advertising my local con anymore.... remember when cons were fun?

Feels just like it's all a popularity contest with gate keeping now