Imma go. Simply put. Imma go. People cant bear my problem.

Getting annoyed by my philosophy of life, insulting me when i'm dysfunctional. I dont know how much i should have been offended. But i havent. I just let it be because i was helpless. Now im more conscious i know what that was, i cant even poop.

Im here again running from reality. What will make you feel calm? It is when nothing bothers you anymore. You will have time to just sleep through all the pain there would be. Oh that is a future, a bright future I love to jave.
No one would wake me up any more. It's so peaceful. Just sleep, regardless of day or night. I love that. I want that right now. But i have to fight first to have that. I can't just sleep right now then magically have that time to sleep. I have to earn that. Lets get star

Instead of reading for my thesis, I am just reading physiological mechanisms of medical therapies. Feeling informed.

Been doing things wrong. Closest person will just accuse me of that. Been doing wrong the whole time. Fix it. Myself is the problem. Fix it. Mutilate the wrong parts. Cut it off. Dont let them function anymore. Accuse me more. Needing that pain. Drown in pain means accepting. No way to fight back. Losing is the way. Feeling possessed. Bring it on. Bring it back. Fight it. Fight to lose so drowning even more. Getting deeper and deeper. Fight it. Just hope more so being able to fall even more.

Push a hard breath because its just it. Breathing in because it's void. Cant fulfill these losses. Losing touch with reality. Vision looses its focus while brain just tries to figure it out. Dont know whats happening to this destructed body and mind. Getting conquered slowly by God knows what. Turning out just fine. That ll be ok dont worry. Tears teasing to drop because i want hope. Because i dont know how it could even come true. Hopeless might be better anyway.

Too tired thinking for others. Beating myself up in everything i do. Been tensed and closed day after day. Wish i could just leave. Head still throbbing and burning and squeezing. Never ends.

Why it's always suffocating and exhausting? How long could one stand and support it? Curious how the afterlife is.

I'm breathing so hard through today's life.

My mind hurts.