me: clown shoes that you wear on your butt

i’m seeking 50 million dollars for 1% of my company

Mark Cuban: 100 million dollars for 2%

me: NO DEAL

when someone accidentally discharges their gun in church, and someone shits themselves

that’s a pew pew pew pew

“soo, i made a scale model to go along with my proposal

i hope you all like it”

[Santa Claus meditates in his workshop as two bugs buzz around]

[unsheathes and resheaths katana]

[bugs fall to the ground, cut into four pieces each]

Santa: Now that’s what I call… Kringle-Cut Flies.