The wind out of the desert is changing. I feel it; you feel it. A shiver in the midday heat. A crackle in the television broadcast. A shift in your immune system. It is September, and something is different. It is September, and the days have gone sinister – from first eye’s open to last slow breathing. It is September, and so, listeners – dear listeners – Night Vale Public Radio is proud to introduce The September Monologues.

Welcome... to Night Vale.

They say the way to test whether you have rats in your roof or possums is to place an apple there. If you find it chewed, it’s rats, if it’s taken, it’s a possum.

But I’m afraid that when I check back, the apple will have been carved by talons into a leering jack-o'-lantern.

Snow is falling somewhere. Many things are falling, or will fall, or have fallen, but temporary triumph is still triumph. Welcome to the Greater Desert Bluffs Metropolitan Area.

Welcome... to Night Vale.

Me: It's been a long day of writing, I think I'll lie in bed and zone out on my laptop.

Cat: