281. The Space Museum (1965)
Classic season 2, starring William Hartnell (the Doctor), Jacqueline Hill (Barbara), William Russell (Ian) and Maureen O'Brien (Vicki).

Some very odd things are happening to our travellers. Their normal clothes have mysteriously appeared around them, replacing their costumes from the previous story. A dropped shattered glass falls back up into Vicki's hand and re-forms. When they leave the ship, they leave no footprints in the sand. And the inhabitants of the strange space museum walk right past them as though they're invisible. So when they turn a corner and run into themselves as motionless, unseeing exhibits, it's perhaps not necessarily the strangest thing to happen to them that morning.

It's a great first episode. Brilliant even. The tension ramps up remarkably throughout and when the revelation comes that the Tardis has jumped a time track, which suddenly jumps right back, the anticipation for the rest of the story is palpable.

And then the rest of the story happens. What a let-down. A very dull run-around sees the Tardis crew help a bunch of rebels overcome their masters. Their masters are depicted as being utterly bored by their experiences, and it comes over so well that unfortunately it rubbed off on me as a viewer.

I must say though: "Have any arms fallen into Xeron hands?" is a line that will live long in the memory.

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282. The Wheel in Space (1968)
Classic season 5, starring Patrick Troughton (the Doctor), Frazer Hines (Jamie) and Wendy Padbury (Zoe).

The TARDIS lands inside a rocket, and is promptly disabled to the state of a mere empty police box. The rocket docks with a space station called the Wheel. The Wheel soon comes under threat from an army of - well, a group of - OK, two Cybermen.

Time to own up a bit here: this particular post has taken me weeks to write. I've made several starts and never quite been able to write anything particularly substantial. Why is this? The acting is... okay, and there's nothing especially objectionable about it.

Well, I can only think that it's because this is possibly the most boring Doctor Who story of all time. It takes six episodes to say and do almost nothing at all. The long sloping arc of the plot to the climax is so very slight as to be virtually indiscernable. The guest characters are utterly forgettable, with YET ANOTHER base under siege led by an irascible male commander.

If you can watch this story and not roll your eyes at the MacGuffin removed from the Tardis at the start of the story being used to resolve the plot at the end, well... you're more patient than I am.

It's hard to imagine how this can be from the same writer of Power of the Daleks and who script edited the show's first season.

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283. The Lazarus Experiment (2007)
NuWho series 3, starring David Tennant (the Doctor) and Freema Ageyman (Martha).

Martha's sister Tish is working for an ageing scientist, Professor Lazarus, who invents a machine that he hopes will make him young again. Which it does, at least for a while, until he then turns into a rampaging CGI monster with the ability to drain humans, turning them into skeletal husks. The Doctor, Martha and Tish trap the monster at the top of the tower of a church, play some music at him really loud, which makes him fall to his death.

That's it. That's the episode.

This is a sparsely-plotted and forgettable story in which CGI plays a much greater part in the episode than usual. This would be fine if it was up to much; but even at the time it looked dated. Nowadays it looks cheesy at best. At worst, it takes you right out of the story.

We get to spend a bit more time with Martha's family here, the highlight of which is Tish, played by Gugu Mbatha-Raw, who incidentally is now an MBE for services to drama. (There's a tiny part of me that wishes she'd been cast as Martha rather than Ageyman.)

Outside of that though, this is unremarkable cartoonish stuff. The series seems to be treading water, but thankfully better is on the way.

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I might live in #southeastqueensland but that doesn't mean we're not subjected to the occasional alien invasion

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284. Kill the Moon (2014)
NuWho series 8, starring Peter Capaldi (the Doctor) and Jenna Coleman (Clara).

I must admit that when writing some of my mini-reviews to put with these rankings, I've realised that I've not watched some of them since they were broadcast, and have had to go back over them to refresh my memories. Sometimes this has made me realise the story has been underrated, but in Kill the Moon's case it made me think it should've been rated much, much lower.

I know what you're thinking -- the moon's an egg, right? I'm one of those whose imagination doesn't stretch that far. Well, you're partly right; I do find that bit very silly. I know Who is always presenting us with ludicrous scenarios that we're happy to accept. But I think we all have a threshhold, a line that when crossed induces an eyeroll. This one crossed that line for me.

But here's my main objection: The script contrives a situation in which three women are made to decide whether to destroy an unborn life form that has the potential to cause inconceivable damage to the Earth; they put the decision to a vote involving the entire population of Earth -- or at least the part currently experiencing night and in view of the Moon. The vote is to end that life, but Clara aborts the bombs moments from detonation and everything's somehow fine. It's this anti-abortion theme I find really distasteful and (IMO) doesn't belong in Doctor Who.

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285. In the Forest of the Night (2014)
NuWho series 8, starring Peter Capaldi (the Doctor) and Jenna Coleman (Clara).

Clara, boyfriend Danny Pink and their class of schoolchildren wake up after camping at the British Museum to find the entire world has turned into a forest. One of the students, Maebh, is behaving very oddly. What is her connection to the trees? And beware of the tyger, burning bright...

This beautiful-looking episode, scripted by celebrated author Frank Cottrell-Boyce, is a bit of a puzzle to me. At one level you can be forgiven to take from this the message that using medication to help with symptoms like hearing voices is wrong. There must have been young kids watching this go out who questioned why their parents were giving them medicine, and it's a bit worrying to find the show going down that path.

I'm glad Clara and Danny aren't looking after my kids, given they lose Maebh - twice - and don't notice she's gone for ages. You would hope this isn't the impression of teachers Cottrell-Boyce was hoping to impart. The kids themselves aren't the most endearing, either.

I don't want to be too harsh on this one, as it really looks gorgeous and design-wise it's terrific. But jeez if a kid needs to take medication to function well socially and at school, or because they're struggling with the loss of a close family member, don't make them feel bad for it.

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286. The Mark of the Rani (1985)
Classic season 22, starring Colin Baker (the Doctor) and Nicola Bryant (Peri).

The Master takes some time out from hanging around in a field scaring crows to attempt to team up with the Rani, another renegade Time Lord, who maybe isn't evil so much as unscrupulous and amoral, but the difference between that and evil is a fine line, isn't it? I mean she does stick grubs in people's ears and turn them into rubber trees (the people, not the grubs) which fits pretty comfortably under the evil definition IMO.

Look, I'm just going to say it -- Pip & Jane Baker are terrible writers who think they're brilliant. I'm sure most terrible writers think the same thing. The problem however is that they seem to have convinced the show's producer as well. My main issue with this story is that it has no climax; it just wanders off with the Doctor doing a thing to the Rani's Tardis halfway into the second part that despatches the two villains. In fairness, this should have been identified by the script editor well before filming, and it's not the first time it's happened under this production team either.

Director Sarah Hellings has made the most of the opportunity to do some location filming that raises the on-screen production values enormously. And it's a shame that so much effort was put in to the beautiful design of the Rani's Tardis console, only for it to never be seen again.

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