Who let the dogs out?

Me. I did it. I'm seeking asylum in Russia right now because the United States government had been keeping the dogs under lock and key for far too long.

The public wants dogs, needs dogs, DESERVES dogs, and the United States government was preventing YOUR access to dogs. I was the one who let the dogs out, all those years ago, and such is the US' fervent hatred of my fight for freedom that only now do I feel safe finally taking credit for what I did.

So now you know.