I tell dad jokes quite often
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Stalin is giving a speech on urban development
Stalin is giving a speech on urban development - sh.itjust.works
As he begins talking about the road systems, a loud sneeze can be heard from the audience. Stalin looks from his papers to the crowd, scanning the rows of heads before he yells “who was that? Who sneezed?” The audience is stunned silent, each recoiling into their chairs and too afraid to say a word. Stalin turns to his guards and gives the order. “Execute everyone in the front row.” The guards nod and a hail of gunfire hits the people sitting in the front row, killing them all dead. The people behind panic, but guards yell for them to remain seated. “Now, I ask again. Who sneezed?” Silence, perhaps a few quiet whimpers of fear. Stalin looks at the guards, and a second hail of gunfire hits the second row, killing every one of them in turn. The blood splatters across the seats, the aisles, and the faces of the people in the third row. “Once more. Who sneezed?” A man in the sixth row stands up, hunched over and quivering with fear, tears pouring from his eyes. “It was me, Comrade Stalin. I sneezed.” “Bless you. Now, about these roads…”
A Nazi, a con man, a dementia patient, and a pedophile walk into a bar
Two antennae got married
What's a pirate's favourite letter?
Dolly Parton and this bloke called Greg both die at the same time
Dolly Parton and this bloke called Greg both die at the same time - sh.itjust.works
St Peter looks at them both and says “sorry, there’s a backlog at the moment. We can only take one of you in right now, so… I’ll let you argue about why you deserve to go in first.” Dolly steps forward and puts her hands to her chest, saying “I have had to carry a great weight and suffer the hardships that come with it, but I have used this blessing to bring joy and laughter. Surely a gift from God such as these deserves to go in?” Greg then steps forward and scratches the back of his head. “One time, the toilet was clogged, but I got a bit of wire and I got the water flowing again.” Dolly looks at him, entirely perplexed. Then St Peter says “yup, that’ll do it. In you go, Greg.” And that leaves Dolly even more perplexed. “What the dang… Why does he get to go in over a toilet?” St Peter replies “You have a good pair, but he had a flush.”
[DISC] Futari Bus - Ch. 11
[DISC] Futari Bus - Ch. 10
They called me mad when I said I could cure blindness
I don't like Orion's Belt.