No one try to break into my brain and steal the Weird Al lyrics and my phone number from when I was 11.

Why do you even have a beard, if you are not gazing into the distance stroking it pensively?

When the going gets tough the tough do something, I wouldn't know what.

This day in history. 1498. Ruthless Spanish Grand Inquisitor Tomás de Torquemada died, bound to a comfy chair and subjected to poking by soft cushions. Nobody expected that.

You don't have to tell me twice because I don't listen either time.

This day in history. 1999. In Michigan Eminem's mother Debbie sued him for 10 million dollars acting on behalf of the family swear jar.

When I say something occurred under mysterious circumstances it means I forgot the circumstances.

I'm against my better judgement.

This day in history. 2001. Canada's Mr Dressup died after he accidentally locked himself in the Tickle Trunk while hiding from visiting in-laws.

Once in a while you have to reinvent yourself and sue yourself for patent infringement.