Nadine Dorries ‘hasn’t yet realised’ that men only pretended to find her fascinating: Political groupie and Brand Ambassador for vodka Nadine Dorries has decided to have ‘one last fling’ at becoming a Dame. Many thought her political career was over when she announced that she was leaving the House of Commons, though she bravely continued drawing the salary for a year so we wouldn’t feel abandoned. https://www.newsbiscuit.com/post/nadine-dorries-hasn-t-yet-realised-that-men-only-pretended-to-find-her-fascinating?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=mastodon

Criminals propose 'just scrapping' criminal justice system: Convicted criminals across the country have strongly suggested we should 'completely scrap' the criminal justice system. Ben, who... https://www.newsbiscuit.com/post/criminals-propose-just-scrapping-criminal-justice-system-1?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=mastodon

A and E outsourcing trial 'successful' despite deaths: West Streeting today hailed his new trial of outsourcing of A and E patients as an unqualified success, apart from the deaths and medical complications. https://www.newsbiscuit.com/post/a-and-e-outsourcing-trial-successful-despite-deaths?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=mastodon

Fast food chain’s ‘world menu’ not a success: A spokesman said, ‘Sales from our world menu promotion have, in truth, been disappointing. Our customers have expressed a strong preference for traditional British menu items like hamburgers, pizza slices and iced do-nuts with sprinkles. So, our world menu promotion is ending today. https://www.newsbiscuit.com/post/fast-food-chain-s-world-menu-not-a-success?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=mastodon

Musk describes small town Brits as ‘Hobbits’ https://www.newsbiscuit.com/post/musk-describes-small-town-brits-as-hobbits?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=mastodon

Making the pension go further https://www.newsbiscuit.com/post/making-the-pension-go-further?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=mastodon

Andrew relaunches career as rock star: In a move aides describe as “possibly even dafter than the Emily Maitlis interview”, the artist formerly known as Prince Andrew has decided to relaunch himself as a rock star. https://www.newsbiscuit.com/post/andrew-relaunches-career-as-rock-star?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=mastodon

NATO celebrates victory over Russia - again: Military chiefs have completed quite the contortion by patting themselves on the back while giving themselves a reach around. https://www.newsbiscuit.com/post/nato-celebrates-victory-over-russia-again?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=mastodon

‘A’ levels to be replaced by three-word slogans: For decades A Levels have been a rite of passage for ambitious teenagers, struggling over lists of facts, complex equations and the harsh... https://www.newsbiscuit.com/post/a-levels-to-be-replaced-by-three-word-slogans-1?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=mastodon

No plans to stop giving Royals undeserved honours and titles: "We've stripped Andrew of about 20 titles and honours since 2022, including being Vice-Admiral of the Fleet, Colonel in Chief of several regiments and a member of the Most Honourable Order of the Garter," said a spokes-stooge for Buckingham Palace. https://www.newsbiscuit.com/post/no-plans-to-stop-giving-royals-undeserved-honours-and-titles?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=mastodon