The Client has seen a big dropoff in email open rates, and to make up for it, they want us to send even MORE email. True story.

INNOVATE! Use AI to write posts with no effort for LinkedIn that no one will read.

I am out of the office this week. You had literally ALL YEAR to ask me for something so don’t you dare text me now.

Sorry, we can’t join this important client call since IT forced a 75-minute update onto all of our computers without warning.

Here are 10 things that will help you get YOUR NEXT GREAT JOB, but turn out to be just recycled platitudes and links but help me exploit the algorithm for my own gain.
1. Something you already know
2. Platitude
3. Something Ben Franklin said but rephrased to sound brand new
4. Vague way of saying “don’t be lazy”
5. Toxic positivity but not called that
6. Aphorism
7. Something that amounts to “spam your friends”
8. Cat poster that says “Believe”
9. Buzzword
10. Follow me for more recycled garbage

The CEO had BEDS BROUGHT INTO THE OFFICE, but don’t worry, it’s not for sexy stuff. It’s just totally normal business stuff like keeping all your employees there overnight to do UNPAID WORK. God bless America!

“WHY DIDN’T YOU WARN ME THIS COULD HAPPEN???” at the top of a long thread where, yes, I did warn the team about this issue a month ago. I think I’ll frame it.

That awkward moment when the CEO tells everyone he's bullish on the agency's future, and then the next week 20% of people get laid off. They were either lying or clueless, and at this point I don't even know which I'd prefer.