Mastodawn

Mustard baby

247 Followers

138 Following

1.6K Posts

Invisible disability Derisible instability Stairlift spokesmodel
Nova Scotia

Good Morning #Halifax
Dress warm out there today!

“Newton?”
*slow drag*
*long exhale*
“I haven’t heard that name in years”

And the wind keeps rollin',
And the sky keeps turning gray.
And the sun is set
The sun will rise another day.

Me: We want 4 orders of lo mein, 8 egg rolls-

Restaurant: This is all for you, isn't it?

M: And my bf.

R: What's his name?

M: ...General Tso.

Lazy people be like “I’ll do whatever it takes to not do it”.

[Salem, Mass. 1692]
Mob: BURN THE WITCH
Me: YOU SO UGLY NOT EVEN THE TIDE WOULD TAKE YOU OUT
Mob: OOOOO BURRRRNNNNN

I wrote about a potato once

I have a reminder on my phone to tell me whether Rupert Grint is the name of the actor or the name of the character

Creating Low Quality Facts written in lower quality handwriting.

Patreon

FACT: The Bonobo is the animal that sounds most like Bono until you get to the last syllable.