Mastodawn

Granite Man

463 Followers

106 Following

178 Posts

@GraniteDhuine from Twitter. Scottish AF and sweary.

Before there were weather apps, there were windows.

I don’t want to brag, but my husband only called me from the grocery store twice today.

I think some of my puns may not be appropriate for children, but they work just fine for groan adults.

Dad's everywhere are getting their pocket knives and bin bags ready for Christmas morning.

The best way to find every AA battery in your home is to need a pair of AAAs.

Fool me once, shame on you.

Fool me twice, I set your car on fire.

I’ve spent 86 hours stuck in traffic today.

If "Back to the Future" took place today, Doc and Marty would travel back to 1996.

"The Macarena" would be played at the "Enchantment Under The Sea" dance

Me *goes to hell*: What the fuck is this??

Elon Musk: Welcome to Twitter.

I found a sweater at the mall that I really want to get for my dad, but the guy wearing it is being a total jerk.