I adopted a dog with agoraphobia (seriously), and when I finalized the adoption with the rescue, they gave the dog a gift to remember them by: A Tito’s Handmade Vodka bandana. I guess there’s a lot of secret-drinking opportunities when you work with dogs, plus it’s good cover:
“Jenkins, why is there vomit all over the floor?”
“Ummm, the dogs?”
Skip James was the fucking man.
I miss Mitch Hedberg:
When you go to a restaurant and they start a waiting list, "Dufrene, party of two, table ready for Dufrene, party of two." And if no one answers they’ll say the name again: "Dufrene, party of two." But then they’ll move on. "Bush, party of three." Yeah, but what happened to the Dufrenes? Who can eat at a time like this? People are missing. You people are selfish. The Dufrenes are in someone’s trunk right now with duct tape over their mouths, and you’re hungry.
Insults From Different Countries as I Imagine Them Number 67 - Ireland
Insult: Bag o’ douche
Meaning: Douchebag
Usage: That Jeffrey is a real bag o’ douche.
See: Italian, Bagoduce
