Mastodawn

ChamelAjvalel Aug 29, 2025

It wasn't because I didn't' have a job after all. Nor because I didn't do anything around the house.

https://lemmy.world/post/35142033

It wasn't because I didn't' have a job after all. Nor because I didn't do anything around the house. - Lemmy.World

Saw my ex had repaired the fence, joyously. Plus, all the house cleaning she’s been doing, happily, and I realize, it was never because I didn’t clean. It wasn’t because I didn’t have a job. It was just because I came home in pain in 2000, and got worse. I was weak. Fuck! Fucking hell, that hurts. 25 years she basically strung me along, then made me leave when my pains and health were so much worse that I really can’t just get a job and work…Fuck! Well, to be fair, it’s my fault. When her anger kept up while I was working, and when she wouldn’t let me save money for a doctor, and when she wouldn’t give me time to learn an easier career…I should have bailed while I could at least work part time…So so so so many years ago…I am so screwed. And my mental health is trashed right now…Come on spine, knee, stop it…Pretty please? Let me have a little free time? Please? Pretty please?

ChamelAjvalel Aug 21, 2025

I really don't think I'm going to make it. Oof!

https://lemmy.world/post/34757996

I really don't think I'm going to make it. Oof! - Lemmy.World

After my wife made me leave home, the first few days went well enough. Almost got a job once, but then, the pain started up, and just kept up. One gal at the Kansasworks place saw how bad it got, and just told me straight up that I should go back to my home town and keep working with the group that’s trying to help me. From the NSAIDs that I took in 21, plus my 51 years, I’m not a safe driver any more. Also, I have a fear of women. When I talk to those gals who are trying to help me, I get so freaked out. Sitting, standing, walking, it doesn’t fucking matter. It all hurts so much. So much that I can’t think, nor concentrate. How the hell am I going to learn a new kind of job if I can’t think? I drop things. I forget things. I can’t concentrate…Shit! And to make matters worse, the fucking MRI, that I’ve been trying to get for so many years, that my ex just would not let me save money for, showed fucking nothing,. AAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaargh! Eh, my NSAID stomach issues let me drink a little drink, so I’m kind of tipsy right now. Living in my little niece’s house…Fuck me! So sore…So tired…Fucking hell. Eh, I got a meeting coming up with voc rehab at the social security place on Friday, so fingers crossed…I can find a way to live like this…Because if I can’t cook, and I can’t clean…I am going to go absolutely batshit insane. End really really really piss poor rant, heh. This would be so fucking long if I were to get any more detailed…O_o.

ChamelAjvalel Jul 22, 2025

Pains have me burnt out

https://lemmy.world/post/33334590

Pains have me burnt out - Lemmy.World

Oof! Finally have a career I want to try for, case worker for chronic illness sufferers and abuse victims, but yeesh my pains have drug me down quite a ways. It looks like the larger cities I’ll need to volunteer for, which I presumed that I’d need to start out that way, but getting a place to stay for that time is not going as smoothly as it has been in my smaller (not-so-) home town. The job hunt for something that won’t cause my pains to push my mental state over the edge isn’t going as well either. Lots of options for remote work, buuuut no reliable internet, or no reliable mental state (no way in hell could I think clearly enough living with my ex…I have found I have a lot more PTSD like symptoms than I thought…plus, it happens with every one of my family, not just with my ex-wife, FFS). OOOOOOOOOOoooouch! I hurt so bloody much.

ChamelAjvalel Jun 29, 2025

My margin for error is a lot higher than I though.

https://lemmy.world/post/32236926

My margin for error is a lot higher than I though. - Lemmy.World

Been experimenting with my pains and the dizzy spells, (as I need to move out as soon as possible), and it turns out how many mistakes I make when the pains and dizziness hit is pretty damn high. It doesn’t matter what I do…well, it is definitely worsened if I bend over. Which can be about two days worth of work or just once. Very very erratic. Anyway, when the pains hit, speaking will become incoherent. I’ll drop things regularly. I’ll definitely forget cleanliness, safety measures, and necessary conversation skills that’d be required for any kind of work. Oof! This doesn’t look good, but my wife is really getting pissed that I’m still here. I really wish I would have thought of affordable apartments back in 2017. I was still in a lot of pain back then, but not this much. Son of a @!#$…🙄

ChamelAjvalel Jun 21, 2025

Health is on a downward spiral.

https://lemmy.world/post/31787764

Health is on a downward spiral. - Lemmy.World

As in another post a few days ago, I had mentioned that my wife was kicking me out, now it’s wanting me gone, but I can stay a while longer. Anyway, my health is on its way down again, as it does. A couple pains really sore, a few more highly exhausting, and the NSAID GERD is making me terribly dizzy. Oof! anyhoo, starting to forget things which means she’s getting a little more harsh. So far it’s a joking kind of anger, so not too bad, but I’m afraid it’s coming, O_o. Yesterday I left a wrapper on her computer, and had set out a couple old computers for a nephew to pick up. Today it was leaving a curtain open and I don’t remember moving the couch out a few inches either, o_O. Oof! Ringing in my ear is pretty loud, too. Oh, so dizzy.

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ChamelAjvalel Jun 11, 2025

Alrighty, I finally told her I know. So now maybe she’ll stop getting so angry, and I can keep focusing on trying to find a job, and making my resume better. I really screwed up giving up so often trying to please her, as I’ve got diddly squat for skills (for non-physical labor), so this is going to be hell. O_o.

Unless I can find a botanical garden that needs someone without skills that knows a lot about ferns, 🤣 .

Man, I have a lot of knowledge in my head, assembly & c programming, wiring up houses, woodworking (carpentry, design, etc), hell I bet I could have learned cad in just a few months, but alas, NOOOOOOO! I’m 50 now, me brain no learn well any more, and I’m in too much pain to be able to do much for the 8 hours needed. FFS! 😠

ChamelAjvalel Jun 11, 2025

I really hope this pain is from the extra anger I've been given

https://lemmy.world/post/31171884

I really hope this pain is from the extra anger I've been given - Lemmy.World

My wife is definitely trying to drum up the courage to kick me out. There’s no other reason for that kind of anger. Yeah, it’s the same things she’s always gotten mad at me for, but not like this. It’s forced, not her normal anger. I may have a job to escape to, but holy hell, I am in so…much…pain, and I only sat here off and on trying to find other jobs. Oof! I am so worried these pains will make it impossible to juggle a job and survive. Contrary to what my family believes, these pains are not fake. I am not lying about them. They are horrible. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuch!

ChamelAjvalel Jun 10, 2025

I may be getting kicked out, so work ideas for a chronic pain sufferer?

https://lemmy.world/post/31114683

I may be getting kicked out, so work ideas for a chronic pain sufferer? - Lemmy.World

Even if I’m not getting kicked out (though, I don’t know what else it could be considering her conversation with her father), I still need out. She’s been extremely angry towards me, more so than usual, so I better get gone. [https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/a123ee07-bdaf-47db-92e4-f0ef7fb3f9e9.png] Since I’m right smack dab in the center I can go anywhere. I may have an opportunity for an apartment maintenance job, but I’m very worried about my pains not allowing me to do it. I can become seriously uncontrollable when they get bad, which I can be dangerous to be around. So I really need something that’s very nonphysical. (Standing, sitting, walking, doesn’t matter. They all can hurt excessively after 5 minutes or several hours, very erratic). Also, I’ll need to find real non-kill shelters or homes for my cats. I have four indoor (one of which will need to be put down), and one outdoor cat. They’ve been all fixed. So that would need to be en route to wherever I go, too. These are the things I have that I can sell en route that should be able to make the transition easier (as I really can’t just eat anything after some NSAID side effects). 1. Math books: https://imgur.com/a/math-books-U3N1Xus [https://imgur.com/a/math-books-U3N1Xus] 2. Native Flutes and tools: https://imgur.com/a/tools-flutes-DDnbvHv [https://imgur.com/a/tools-flutes-DDnbvHv] 3. Computers: https://imgur.com/a/fqA0NVp [https://imgur.com/a/fqA0NVp] Ok, with all that said, anyone know of any jobs that might not be so physically demanding in your neck of the woods? Or deserts?

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ChamelAjvalel Jun 9, 2025

Ok, I could part with the HP pavillion and my toshiba laptop, as long as I had a place to put a desktop, but those two can’t be worth more than $150, $200 maximum.

These are things I was (sort of) allowed to collect over my working years. I was berated every time I saved money, so I had used these things as ways of attempting to make money. I just didn’t count on the home environment making that almost impossible.

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ChamelAjvalel Jun 9, 2025

OOOOH! I had completely forgotten about the things I’ve collected over the years (in preparation for the pains being too great to work)…I could always sell them on route somewhere.

I’ve got at least about $600 worth of Native American style flutes (total spent is much higher, though, and was planning on leaving them for my nieces and nephews).

Also, I’ve got a lot of tools, Makita cordless (eh, probably about $200, $450 at maximum. They are old), Sroll saw, belt sander, stationary belt sander, cheap drill press (Probably not worth more than $250 to $400…They are definitely not the best machines…Well, except for the two belt sanders, however, there both worth no more than about $80, O_o).

Math books, though, they’d only bring about $100 to $175 (Number theory, combinatorics, abstract, linear mostly).

What else do I have? Not my computers…Those are about the only things that my body allows me to enjoy regularly, 🙁 . I do have some miniature cat trees for dollhouses I used to make. If I can sell those at full price, en route, that could bring about $175.

So there’s a chance I could make it a month or two, 🤔 .